Funny - Chat Messages

I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear
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Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
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I love ur smile and ur eyes...Damn im good at telling lies! :D
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DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF!
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:) My darling my love, my beautiful wife. Marrying you screwed up my life :S
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An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work
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what do you call a fish with no eyes? fsh!
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
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Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
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Even hot girls have to fart
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Knowledge Is Knowing That A Tomato Is A Fruit, Wisdom Is Not Putting It In A Fruit Salad.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I like my steak so rare that when you poke it, it still says mooooo

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

I thought that I could love no other. Until, that is, I met ur brother!

I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. where the HECK is my roof?!

Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away

Roses r red Violets r blue God made me beautiful But what the hell did he do to you!

I thought my attitude was bad, until I smelled your breath!

Girls/Boys are great, every boy/girl should own one