A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar, drinking, when the bartender asked him why his head was so small.
The man, 'I was walking along the beach one day and happened upon a lamp.
A beautiful genie came out of the lamp and said that she would grant me 3 wishes.
First, I wished for all the money in the world.
Then I wished for the biggest mansion in all the world.'
'And then I wished for a little head.'
How can you tell the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
A guy walks in and sits down at a bar.
His face is all bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, 'Hey buddy, what in the world happened to you?'
The guy says, 'Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore.'
'Yeah?' asks the bartender, 'What did she do?'
Guy, 'She hit me with her bag of quarters!'
Visit to the doctors A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, 'Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.'
'Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
Don't burden him with chores.
Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.
And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.
If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.'
On the way home, the husband asked his wife.
'What did the doctor say?'
'He said you're going to die,'
One day Little Johnny was on the school bus and he was sitting right behind the bus driver and he was saying to himself, 'If my daddy was a lion and my mommy was a lion then I would be a baby lion.'
He kept on talking to himself like this.
After 10 minutes of this, the bus driver had enough of it and said, 'What would happen if your daddy was a drunk and your mommy was a whore?'
Little Johnny replied, 'Then I would be a bus driver!'
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath.
Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
'Can I touch it?'
'No way -- you already broke yours off!'
Hey have you ever seen a beach whale?
No, What is it?
Will you remember me tomorrow?
Will your remember me in a week?
I thought you said you'd remember me!
Here was this man in a bar he ordered a shot.
He finished the shot and peeked into his pocket.
Then orders another shot and agian peeks into his pocket.
He asks for another drink.
The bar-tender finally says, 'Ill bring you drinks all night if you tell me why you keep looking into your pocket!'
The man said that he has a picture of his wife in his pocket and as soon as she starts to look good I can go home.
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal.
The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
'Breast fed,' the woman replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor asked.
He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning for her to get dressed he said, 'No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came.'