Doctor Jokes

This page contains 10 Doctor Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Doctor Jokes first.

Trish: 'My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.'
Doctor: 'You should diet.'
Trish: 'Really? What color?'

A man goes to the doctor and shows him his penis.
The doctor looks at it and sees its full of holes.
The man says, 'It's terrible, when I pee, it's like a watering can, it goes everywhere!'
The doctor says, 'I think you ought to go and see Mr Croft.'
'Is he a specialist penis doctor?'
the man asks.
'No he's a clarinet player, he'll show you how to hold it!'

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

The British doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
Then the German doctor bragged, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, 'You guys are way behind.
We took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and almost immediately afterwards half the country was looking for work.'

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, 'Doctor it hurts everywhere.
My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!'
The doctor asks, 'Were you ever a Blonde?'
'Yes, I was'
she replies, 'why do you ask?'
The doctor answers, 'Because your finger is broken!'

A doctor, George Bush, a Priest, and a little boy were on a plane when it started having engine trouble.
In spite of the best efforts of the pilot the plane started to go down.
Unfortunately there were only 3 parachutes remaining.
The doctor grabbed one and said, 'I am a doctor, I save lives so I deserve to live!'
And jumped out.
Bush then said, 'I am the President and I am the smartest man in the world, so I deserve to live!'
And jumped out.
The priest looked at the boy and said, 'My son I have lived a long life, and you have a whole life to live, so you take the parachute.'
The boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, 'No worries father, the 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my backpack!'

John is at the doctor recieving just a general checkup when he says to the doctor 'hey doc, did you know i can sing out of my arse?'.
'Oh really?'
says the doc 'show me then'.
The man gets up in a squating position, pulls down his pants and does a big shit all over the chair.
'What was that for?!?'
questions the doctor, quite disgusted 'oh'
says the man 'i was just clearing my throat'

Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world.
In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.
In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more.
In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for abortions.

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.
The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, 'I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year.
Just say 'one, two, three' and you'll get the largest erection you've ever had.
After your wife's been satisfied, simply say 'one, two, three, four' and it will disappear for 12 months.'
Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, 'Watch this!
One, two, three!'
His schlong becomes larger and stiffer than ever before.
His wife is amazed.
She smiles and says, 'That's great!
But what did you say 'one, two, three' for?'

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify.
A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
'Will you state your name?' asked the district attorney.
Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was re-seated on the witness stand.
The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
'Well, doctor,'
continued the district attorney without changing expression, 'we could start with an easier question'.

Previous jokes

Next jokes

1 (2) 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Categories:
Animal Bad Bar Dumb Blonde Celebrity Cheesy Chicken Christmas Chuck Norris Clean Computer Corny Dad Dark Humor Doctor Dirty Donald Trump Easter Fat For Kids Funny Riddles Funny Quotes Little Johnny Gay Gender Good Halloween Knock Knock Lawyer Lightbulb Jokes Military Old People One Liner Jokes Ponderisms Puns Redneck Relationship Religious School Short Jokes Silly Skeleton Valentines Day Yo Mama

Doctor Jokes

Funny jokes