Funny Jokes | 10 Funny Jokes About Lawyers

How many lawyers does it take to roof a house? Depends on how thin you slice them!

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Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out: "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said: "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said: "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it!" argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said: "You shouldn't quarrel. Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said: "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying: "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved!" Then he reached over and said: "And for my fee, I'll take the meat!"

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What Did A Lawyer Name His Daughter? Sue!

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Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

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What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!

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A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, "All lawyers are assholes!" He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge. Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, "Take that back." The biker says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" "No, Iím an asshole."

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How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water!

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Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service!

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One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass". The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can"t afford a thing to eat." So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house." The guys then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along. When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you." The layer said, "You"re going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."

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At the rate law schools are turning them out, by 2050 there will be more lawyers than humans!

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