Funny Jokes | 10 Funny Jokes About Lawyers

How many lawyers does it take to roof a house? Depends on how thin you slice them!
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What Did A Lawyer Name His Daughter? Sue!
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Washington state attorney season and bag limits 1300.01 GENERAL 1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or dead-falls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. 4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft. 5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships. 7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. 8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals. 9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it. 10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin. 11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. BAG LIMITS 1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2 2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 3 3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 5 4. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2 5. Honest Attorney EXTINCT 6. Cut-throat 2 7. Back-stabbing Whiner 2 8. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2 9. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 bounty
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NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T." The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million and we’ll send the engineer to Mars!"
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Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they
cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

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Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service!
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Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers. They ask for a ransom 20 million dollars, and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for...
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Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?

A: Their personalities.

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Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
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What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
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