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Funny Jokes About Lawyers

Question: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house? Answer: Depends on how thin you slice them!
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Question: What do you call 100,000 lawyers drowning in the Pacific ocean? Answer: A good start!
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A Hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the Hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the Hindu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow. Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. A few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork. Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig!
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Question: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving? Answer: A perfect setup for skeet shooting!
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Question: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Answer: Not enough sand!
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Question: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? Answer: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service!
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Question: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? Answer: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being!
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Question: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Answer: Shoot him before he hits the water!
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There was a lawyer who just had a surgery. When he woke up he found himself in a dark room, the blinds shut and the door closed. Then the nurse walked in and saw the lawyer awake. The lawyer then asks the nurse, "Why are all the blinds closed and every thing so dark?" "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to wake up and thought you died!"
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A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, "All lawyers are assholes!" He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge. Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, "Take that back." The biker says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" "No, Iím an asshole."
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