Funny Jokes | 10 Funny Jokes About Lawyers

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water!
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out: "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said: "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said: "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it!" argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said: "You shouldn't quarrel. Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said: "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying: "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved!" Then he reached over and said: "And for my fee, I'll take the meat!"
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds." The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service!
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
What do you call 100,000 lawyers drowning in the Pacific ocean? A good start!
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
What Did A Lawyer Name His Daughter? Sue!
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50? Your honor!
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand!
Rate Good vote Rate Bad
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."
Rate Good vote Rate Bad




One-Liner Top 5:

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Apple should make a sarcasm font and call it the iRoll.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.
They said too much of everything is bad... But too much of goodness ain't bad?