Funny Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | A Judge Asks A Defendant To Please Stand

Lying Neighbor A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout. The Judge thunders back, "If you don"t tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!" "I"ve lived next to that lying bastard for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a goddamned tool when I needed to borrow one!"






One-Liner Top 5:

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I had to do it only three times a week. This every-day thing is overkill.
If you are here - who is running hell?
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?