Funny Jokes | 10 Funny Jokes About School

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"
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On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?" "How much for a season pass?"
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On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy answered. "What is it?" she said. "A puppy!"
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A teacher asks her class of 3rd graders to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. She calls on a small boy sitting in the front row. "I saw an air show. And it was very fascinating." "Good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" She then calls on a girl sitting off to the left. "I saw some monkeys. They were very fascinating." "Good, but I wanted you to use the world 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" Billy's hand shoots up into the air and she calls on him. "Teacher, teacher! I got one!" "Go ahead, Billy." "My sister's shirt has ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fascinate."
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A college professor was reminding her class of their final exam tomorrow. She said, "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, hospitalization, a deadly illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it! No other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass sitting in the back of the room raises his hand. He said, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter. When order restored, the professor smiled knowingly at the student and shook her head. She innocently replied, "Well, then I guess you'll just have to write with your other hand."
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Three third graders were walking down the street: a redhead, brunette, and a blonde. Which one had the best figure? The blonde, she was 18!
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Book Report Students were assigned to read two books, "Titanic" and "My Life", by Bill Clinton. One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories. His professor had a sense of humor and gave the student an A+ for his report: Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over three hours to read Clinton: Over three hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton: Ditto for Bill. Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton: Ditto for Monica. Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton: Let's not go there. Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts. Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember jack. Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton: Monica... ooh, let's not go there either. Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary... basically the same thing.
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One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions. So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red" Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato". "No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher. So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it" "Go to the principals office" says the teacher. "No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"
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One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused, "Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?" Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay. Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet. But, within a minute, she was back. Another girl was shocked by how she could actually take care of business so quickly, and asked how she managed to do it so fact. The girl responded, "It was a prank call."
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The Differences In Graduates: A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?" A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
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One-Liner Top 5:

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Apple should make a sarcasm font and call it the iRoll.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.
They said too much of everything is bad... But too much of goodness ain't bad?