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Funny Various Jokes

One day two kids were wandering around near a stream.
One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream.
The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend.
When he got to the bush were his friend was he saw a naked woman and ran away.
The boy that was here for a long time got curios and ran after him and asked, "Why did you run away."
The other boy said, "My mom said that if I were to ever see a naked woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran."

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What do you call a buncha women hanging around prostitutes?

Support hos!

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Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It?s my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That?s not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn?t quarrel. Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I?ll take the meat."
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Why has the Enron scandal been so hard on ESL teachers?

Because they now have to explain to their students why "to LAY" is worse than "to F*CK"!

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Why do people in vermont were kilts?

Sheep can hear zippers from a mile away.

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Why are Iranians so smart?

Because none of them are blonde.

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Who is the daddy? Google of course
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When I was born I was Black. When I grow up I am black. When I am sick I am black. When I go in the sun I am black. When I am cold I am black. When I die I am black. But You. When you are born you are pink. When you grow up you are white. When you are sick you turn green. When you go in the sun you get red. When you are cold you turn blue. When you die you turn purple. And you have the fucking nerve to call me COLORED!
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What do you get when you cross a pickle and a female deer? A dildo!
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The Chief Executive of an HMO died and was very relieved that he got into heaven. Of course, he had to check out after 48 hours...
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