Funny Jokes | 10 Funny Various Jokes

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One day two kids were wandering around near a stream. One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream. The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend. When he got to the bush were his friend was he saw a naked woman and ran away. The boy that was here for a long time got curios and ran after him and asked, "Why did you run away." The other boy said, "My mom said that if I were to ever see a naked woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran."
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Q. Why Do The Teletubbies Go To The Toilet Together ?

A. They only have 1 tinky winky

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One day there were three boys walking down the street, and suddenly they heard cries for help. When the boys got to the noise they saw George W. Bush in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning.

Dubya asked the boys how he could ever repay him. The first boy said, "I want a boat."

The second boy said, "I want a truck."

And the third boy said, "I want three tombstones with our names all on them."

Dubya asked, "Why is that, son?"

The little boy said, "Because when my Dad finds out that we saved you, he is going to kill us all!"

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Q: What does a girl and a plane have in common? A: They both have cockpits.
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An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims, "May the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony." The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies, "No thanks, I'll just wait till the police get here!"
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A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is it a sin to have sex before receiving communion?"

He replied, "Only if you block the aisle."

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One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window. Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names. "Shut Up", replied Shut Up. "Stupid", replied Stupid. The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. "Excuse Me!" shouted the chief. Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names. "Shut Up!" "Stupid!" The police chief was very riled. He then asked" Are you looking for trouble?"! Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,"Why yes, how did you know?"
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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines!"
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Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Logic can never decide what is possible or impossible.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Love letters, business contracts, and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

Make dust or eat dust.

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

Many are called, but few are at their desks.

Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.

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A Funny Story There are many wise and foolish men. Like this guy named Billy. Someone had an appointment with him yet when the person arrived, Billy was no where to be found. Infuriated, the person picked up a piece of chalk and wrote on Billy's door "STUPID OAF" and went home. Later Billy returned home and saw what was written on his door. He immediately rushed to the persons house and said "I'm sorry I forgot I had an appointment today. I remembered the second i got home and saw your name on my door."
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