Funny Jokes | 10 Funny Various Jokes

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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor: "Can I help you?" "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines!"
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Boss (to the new employee): "We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" New employee: "Yes, sir." Boss: "We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat."
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One day two kids were wandering around near a stream. One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream. The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend. When he got to the bush were his friend was he saw a naked woman and ran away. The boy that was here for a long time got curios and ran after him and asked, "Why did you run away." The other boy said, "My mom said that if I were to ever see a naked woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran."
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How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I"ll tell you later.
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In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet. 'The copier is out of order! Yes, we have called the service man. Yes, he will be in today. No, we cannot fix it. No, we do not know how long it will take. No, we do not know what caused it. No, we do not know who broke it. Yes, we are keeping it. No, we do not know what you are going to do now. Thank You!'
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One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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What do you call a person who can sit on an ice cream and tell the flavor? A smartass!
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What do a hockey player and a magician have in common? Hat tricks.
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Three guys went up to heaven, as they came to the gate St peter was there and said to them, "If you have done any sins you well go straight to hell or be punished some other way." So all the guys said, "Ok" Then St Peter said, "But since heaven is so big you have to have some kind of transportation on wheels." Then St Peter asked the first guy, "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" And the guy said, "Yes, but only 2." So he got a small compact car. St Peter asked the second guy, "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" And he said, "Yes but only once." So he got a small car but still bigger then the first guys car. Then St peter asked the last guy, "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" And he said, "No never!" So he got a huge giant classic car, and he drove off happy. The next day the first and second guy noticed that the guy with the big car was really upset, and they asked, "What's wrong?" And he said, "I was driving around in my car, and I saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!"
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You think life is bad... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys. But worst of all... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!
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One-Liner Top 5:

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?
Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!