Various Jokes: All Workers Please Be Advised Of The Following Changes To The Travel Policy

All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy. Memorandum To: All Employees From: Headquarters Subject: Business Travel Policy Guidelines Date: June 16, 2017 Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead. Transportation: If commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible. Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Lodging: All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on company business. If this is not possible, then cost effective alternatives should be exploited. Public areas such as parks and parking lots can be used during periods of good weather. In inclement weather, bridges may provide temporary shelter. Meals: Expenditures for meals will be limited to the absolute minimum. It should be noted that grocery chains, such as "General Nutrition Centers" and "Piggly Wiggly" stores often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can often be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also become familiar with, and exploit the use of, indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destination. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should seek establishments offering "all you can eat" salad bars. This will be especially valuable to employees travelling together, as a single plate can be used to feed one clever group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food while on company business. Cans of tuna fish, Spam and Beef-a-roni can be conveniently consumed at your leisure, without the unnecessary bother of heating or other costly preparation. Entertainment: Entertainment while on travel is discouraged. If such extravagances are required for business reasons, the customer should be encouraged to "pick up the tab". Such actions will save the company money and also convince the customer that we are concerned about "spending his money on providing a good product for him", not on useless overhead frivolities which can drive up our prices. Hospitality provided to our customers at our facility shall be tasteful, yet cost-effective. In lieu of frivolous dinners, a picnic bench will be placed in the parking lot complete with garden hose for liquid refreshments. Miscellaneous: All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our common effort to save corporate dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport "layover" periods which could be used to defray travel costs. In support of this idea, "Red Caps" will be issued to all employees prior to departure so that they may earn tips for helping other travelers with their luggage during such periods. Small plastic roses will also be made available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.


More Various Jokes:

One Day Two Kids Were Wandering Around Near A Stream
We Are Very Keen On Cleanliness
An English Man And An Irish Man Are Driving Head On At Night On A Twisty Dark Road
What Do You Call 100 Nuns In A Shop
What Do A Hockey Player And A Magician Have In Common
A Young Businessman Had Just Started His Own Firm
A Funny Story There Are Many Wise And Foolish Men
How Do You Keep An Idiot In Suspense
What Do You Call A Person Who Can Sit On An Ice Cream And Tell The Flavor
In Most Offices The Photocopier Is Out Of Order Every Now And Then
Two Little Squirrels Were Walking Along In The Forest
The LAPD The FBI And The CIA Are All Trying To Prove That They Are The Best At Apprehending Criminals
One Day A Little Girl Was Sitting At The Breakfast Table With Her Mother
A Hunter Visited Another Hunter And Was Given A Tour Of His Home
Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers
My Four Year Old And I Were Discussing Holidays
Kids In The Back Seat Cause Accidents
Two Men Talking In The Bookies What S Wrong Charlie You Don T Look So Good This Morning
The Difference Between Republicans And Democrats
News Flash Today The World Was Stunned By The News Of The Death Of The Energizer Bunny
A Truck Driver Stopped At A Truck Stop For Breakfast The Waitress Who Was New On The Job Came Over To Take His Order
There Were Three Priests In A Railroad Station All Wanting To Go Home To Pittsburgh
How Do You Spell Mississippi Without Eyes
Einstein Climbs To The Top Of Mt Sinai To Get Close Enough To Talk To God
What Do You Call A Prostitute With No Arms Or Legs
A Police Officer In A Small Town Stopped A Motorist
All Workers Please Be Advised Of The Following Changes To The Travel Policy
Are You Cold
Hey Did You Hear About The Cannibal Who Arrived Late To The Dinner Party
A Man Was Driving Down A Quiet Country Lane When Out Into The Road Strayed A Rooster
What Do U Call 100 Nuns In A Shop
One Day There Was A Blind Man Walking Down The Street And He Smelled Oranges So He Bought Some Fruit
He Had Two Parrots
A Frat Boy Gets Into The Back Of A Cab And Asks The Cabbie Do You Have Enough Room Up There For A Pizza And A Six Pack Of Beer
One Day A Secretary Is Leaving On Her Lunch Break And She Notices Her Boss Standing In Front Of A Shredder
A Man Walks Into A Library And Asks For A Book On Suicide
Dear Mr Blix
One Morning The Husband Returns After Several Hours Of Fishing And Decides To Take A Nap
The Problem With Political Jokes Is
To All Personnel From Accounting
A Mexican magician tells the audience
Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes
Their Was This Kid That Always Got Picked On At School
Two Hunters Got A Pilot To Fly Them Into The Far North For Elk Hunting
Two Parents Take Their Son On A Vacation And Go To A Nude Beach
A Man Goes In The Sex Shop And Asks The Clerk Where The Blow Up Dolls Are
They Was Three Man Named Nobody Somebody And Mad One
When Jane Initially Met Tarzan Of The Jungle
The Election Is Over The Results Are Well Known
If A Man And A Woman Get Married In Texas

One-Liner Top 5:

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don't know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!