School Jokes: Every Year English Teachers From Across The USA Can Submit Their Collections

Essays Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners. 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are won't to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.


More School Jokes:

A Lecturer Teaching Medicine Was Giving A Classroom Observation
According To A News Report A Certain Private School In Victoria BC Recently Was Faced With A Unique Problem
An Engineering Student Is Walking On Campus One Day When Another Engineer Student Rides Up On A Shiny New Motorcycle
Name That Animal
Students Were Assigned To Read Two Books Titanic And My Life By Bill Clinton
One Day The Teacher Decides To Play An Animal Game
Sick Notes These Are Real Notes Written By Parents In An Alabama School District
What Do Tornadoes And Graduates From The University Of Florida Have In Common
In A Class On Abnormal Psychology The Instructor Was About To Introduce The Subject Of Manic Depression
One Fine Day In The Middle Of Class At School A Girl Raised Her Asking To Be Excused
On The First Day Of College The Dean Addressed The Students
A Teacher Asks Her Class Of 3rd Graders To Use The Word Fascinate In A Sentence
A College Professor Was Reminding Her Class Of Their Final Exam Tomorrow
On The Last Day Of Kindergarten All The Children Brought Presents For Their Teacher
Three Third Graders Were Walking Down The Street
The Differences In Graduates
Have You Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking
There Was A Boy And His Teacher Asked Him To Write 5 Words As A Home Work
One Year In A Strict School All The Teenagers Started Wearing Lip-stick In School
A Principal Of A Small Middle School Had A Problem With A Few Of The Older Girls Starting To Use Lipstick
One Day In School The Teacher Decides To Play 20 Questions
Mrs Applebee The 6th Grade Teacher Posed The Following Problem To One Of Her Classes
A Boy Goes To The Drug Store With His Dad
One Day There Was A Boy Who Came Home Crying After School
A Teacher Asks Her Class If There Are 5 Birds Sitting On A Fence And You Shoot One Of Them How Many Will Be Left
A Pre-med Student At Washington University In St Louis
Thier Was This Kid That Always Got Picked On At School
Three Third Graders Were Walking Down The Street A Redhead Brunette And A Blonde
The National Poetry Contest Had Come Down To Two A Yale Graduate And A Redneck From Texas
So George Is Doing Yet Another Photo Op At An Elementary School
Why Are Fish So Smart
A University Creative Writing Class Was Asked To Write A Concise Essay Containing These Four Elements Religion Royalty Sex And Mystery
A Lecturer Teaching Medicine Was Tutoring A Class On Observation
On The First Day Of College The Dean Addressed The Students Pointing Out Some Of The Rules
On The First Day Of College The Dean Gave A Speech About On-campus Rules
A Teacher Was Testing The Children In Her Sunday School Class To See If They Understood The Concept Of Getting To Heaven
Every Year English Teachers From Across The USA Can Submit Their Collections
Here Is A Great Letter From MIT To A Prospective Student And That Students Response
A Little Girl Was Failing Math
A Linguistics Professor Was Lecturing To His English Class One Day
All Right Class I Want You To Go Home And Come Back Tomorrow With As Many Positions As You Can Think Of For Making Sex
An Eccentric Philosophy Professor Gave A One Question Final Exam After A Semester Dealing With A Broad Array Of Topics
The Children Were Lined Up In The Cafeteria Of A Catholic Elementary School For Lunch
It Was The Last Day Of School Kids Bring In Candy Stuff Like That
After School Billy Sees Two Nuns Walking On The Street So He Says Hello
In School One Day The Teacher Decided That In Science Class She Would Teach About The Elements
A Teacher Is Preparing Her Class For A Big Exam Tomorrow And She Says I Will Not Except Any Excuses For Skipping Tomorrows Exam
A Sunday School Teacher Was Discussing The Ten Commandments With Her Five And Six Year Olds
Guess Why The Bog Eyed Teacher Is Getting Sacked
A Grade School Teacher Was Asking Students What Their Parents Did For A Living

One-Liner Top 5:

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don't know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!