A boy walks into his parents room to find his mom jumping on his dad so he runs back into his room.
His mom followed him and asks, "Whats wrong, sweetie?"
The boy asks, "What were you doing to daddy?"
So she says, "Well sweetie you know your daddy has gotten really fat, so I was just flattening his belly for him"
The boy replies, "Well what is the point if the neighbor comes over after you leave for work and blows it back up again?"
There was an American man that had an meeting in France.
He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting.
While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX."
He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with.
One of them made a hole in one.
He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"
They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all discussing how much their lives suck.
The cucumber says, "I get picked from my home, sliced up, and thrown a salad.
My life sucks the most."
The pickle then says, "I get picked from my home, shoved in a jar, submerged in liquid that's smells awful.
So my life sucks the most."
The penis then says, "Oh please!
My life definitely sucks the most.
I get a tarp wrapped over my head, stuck in a wet black hole, and rammed against a wall until I vomit."
At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this."
"The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth."
What do u call a Chinese pedophile?
Fu kem young
"Do you ever get horny?" said one widow to the other.
"What do you do about it?"
"I suck on a lifesaver."
"What beach do you go to?"
What did the prick say to the balls?
You guys hang around here while I go inside!
What is the useless bit of skin around the vagina.
How do you know that an auto mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean
A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".
Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"