Animal Jokes
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Animal Jokes

This page contains 10 Animal Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Animal Jokes first.

During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals.
The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball.
The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain.
The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain.
On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, 'Who stopped the elephant?'
'I did,' said the centipede.
'Who stopped the rhino?'
'Uh, that was me too,' said the centipede.
'And how about the hippo?
Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?'
'Well, that was me as well,' said the centipede.
'So where were you during the first half?' demanded the coach.
'Well,' said the centipede, 'I was having my ankles taped.'


How do you turn an elephant into a cherry tree?
You paint his balls red!
What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A giraffe eating cherries!


What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
Winnie the Pooh!


Here was a priest he trained his horse to respond when he said (praise the lord and hallejuelah) praise the lord ment- Stop Hallejulah ment- GO so it happen a day the priest was ridin his horse and it got out of controlled and it was runnings into a dead end or (cliff)and he was panicking and tried stop horse but could not remember wats word he used to stop the horse so he was stammering other words like stop etc.
suddenly he remembered just before the horse could run off the cliff .HE Shouted PRAIZSE THE LORD and the horse stoped with amazement.
then HE SAID HALLEJUEhah.


A bear and a rabbit were both taking a dump right next to each other.
The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks, 'Do you every have that problem where your poop gets stuck in your fur?'
'No, I never have that problem, why?'
asks the rabbit.
The bear snatches the rabbit up and wipes him on his butt, and says, 'Now you do!'


What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs!


Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs.
Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, 'You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.'
The frog says, 'This is great!
Will I meet her at a party, or what?'

'No,'
says the psychic.
'Next semester in her biology class.'


This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.
The other farmer says, 'Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Chuck.
He'll service every chicken you got, no problem.'
Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it.
So, he buys Chuck.
The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, 'Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now.
You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money.
Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job.
So, take your time and have some fun', the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot.
- WHAM!
- Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there.
Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake.
Once again, - WHAM!
- He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Chuck dead as a doorknob, stone cold in the middle of the yard.
Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, 'Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself.
I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.'
Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, 'Shhhh, they're getting closer...'


Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!


The Chicken and the Horse
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, 'I think I can stand over the hole!'
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, 'Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up.'
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.


 



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