Animal Jokes
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Animal Jokes

This page contains 10 Animal Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Animal Jokes first.

There was a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, 'Mmmm, I smell sausage!'
Mama mole poked her head outside the hole and said, 'Mmmm, I smell pancakes!'
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole said, 'The only thing I smell is molasses!'


One day a man decided to drive his motorcycle at full speed down an empty street.
He was going really fast when all of a sudden a bird flies in front of him and they both crash.
The motorcycle driver notices that he accidentally knocked out the bird so he decided to take care of it.
When he got home he put it in a silver cage.
Hours later the bird wakes up and notices the bars in front of him and gasps in horror, 'I KILLED HIM!'


Three nuns used to go to the church from their homes every day.
On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived.
The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would pass by.
They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants.
They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong.
Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all.
When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, 'Straight, straight, curly.'


Q:What did the elephant say when it saw a dead ant?
DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT....... What did the elephant say when it saw a live ant?
It stepped on the ant and then said DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT....


This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center.
One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft.
They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator.
Well, one day we got a service call that said, 'Cat caught in machine, come quick!'
When I arrived I saw everyone sitting around mending their various wounds, scratches and contusions.
No sight of the cat.
It appears that while they were running the machine the cat was twirling his tail in his usual fashion and stuck it down into the printer at the most inopportune time and got sucked in!
Apparently, the cat absolutely freaked out and clawed at everyone who came close.
They finally freed the cat, and to this day, the cat goes nowhere near the machine.


The Chicken and the Horse
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, 'I think I can stand over the hole!'
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, 'Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up.'
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.


A bear and a rabbit was taking a shit in the woods.
The bear turned to the rabbit and asked,'do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur'?
And the rabbit responed 'no'.
So the bear whipped his ass with the rabbit.


A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is gonna meet a young girl.
The teller tells him, 'Yes, you are.'
The frog replies, 'Where?
In a bar or at a party?'
The teller says, 'In biology class!'


What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog!


An organization is like a tree full of monkeys: All on different levels, some climbing up.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes!





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