Animal Jokes
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Animal Jokes

This page contains 10 Animal Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Animal Jokes first.

Thank You!

Here was a priest he trained his horse to respond when he said (praise the lord and hallejuelah) praise the lord ment- Stop Hallejulah ment- GO so it happen a day the priest was ridin his horse and it got out of controlled and it was runnings into a dead end or (cliff)and he was panicking and tried stop horse but could not remember wats word he used to stop the horse so he was stammering other words like stop etc.
suddenly he remembered just before the horse could run off the cliff .HE Shouted PRAIZSE THE LORD and the horse stoped with amazement.
then HE SAID HALLEJUEhah.


Three nuns used to go to the church from their homes every day.
On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived.
The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would pass by.
They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants.
They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong.
Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all.
When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, 'Straight, straight, curly.'


One day a man decided to drive his motorcycle at full speed down an empty street.
He was going really fast when all of a sudden a bird flies in front of him and they both crash.
The motorcycle driver notices that he accidentally knocked out the bird so he decided to take care of it.
When he got home he put it in a silver cage.
Hours later the bird wakes up and notices the bars in front of him and gasps in horror, 'I KILLED HIM!'


Q:What did the elephant say when it saw a dead ant?
DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT....... What did the elephant say when it saw a live ant?
It stepped on the ant and then said DEAD ANT, DEAD ANT....


The Chicken and the Horse
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, 'I think I can stand over the hole!'
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, 'Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up.'
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.


This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center.
One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft.
They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator.
Well, one day we got a service call that said, 'Cat caught in machine, come quick!'
When I arrived I saw everyone sitting around mending their various wounds, scratches and contusions.
No sight of the cat.
It appears that while they were running the machine the cat was twirling his tail in his usual fashion and stuck it down into the printer at the most inopportune time and got sucked in!
Apparently, the cat absolutely freaked out and clawed at everyone who came close.
They finally freed the cat, and to this day, the cat goes nowhere near the machine.


A bear and a rabbit was taking a shit in the woods.
The bear turned to the rabbit and asked,'do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur'?
And the rabbit responed 'no'.
So the bear whipped his ass with the rabbit.


What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog!


A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is gonna meet a young girl.
The teller tells him, 'Yes, you are.'
The frog replies, 'Where?
In a bar or at a party?'
The teller says, 'In biology class!'


Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs.
Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, 'You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.'
The frog says, 'This is great!
Will I meet her at a party, or what?'

'No,'
says the psychic.
'Next semester in her biology class.'





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