Animal Jokes
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Animal Jokes

This page contains 10 Animal Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Animal Jokes first.

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs.
Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, 'You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.'
The frog says, 'This is great!
Will I meet her at a party, or what?'

'No,'
says the psychic.
'Next semester in her biology class.'


A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster.
Whack!
The rooster disappeared under the car.
A cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell.
A farmer appeared.
The man, somewhat nervously said, 'I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him.'
'Suit yourself,'
the farmer replied, 'you can go join the other chickens that are around the back.'


How does a frog cross the freeway with out no arms and legs.
now take the the f out of free and the f out of way


During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals.
The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball.
The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain.
The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain.
On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, 'Who stopped the elephant?'
'I did,' said the centipede.
'Who stopped the rhino?'
'Uh, that was me too,' said the centipede.
'And how about the hippo?
Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?'
'Well, that was me as well,' said the centipede.
'So where were you during the first half?' demanded the coach.
'Well,' said the centipede, 'I was having my ankles taped.'


This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.
The other farmer says, 'Yeah, I've got this great rooster named Chuck.
He'll service every chicken you got, no problem.'
Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it.
So, he buys Chuck.
The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, 'Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now.
You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money.
Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job.
So, take your time and have some fun', the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot.
- WHAM!
- Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there.
Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake.
Once again, - WHAM!
- He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Chuck dead as a doorknob, stone cold in the middle of the yard.
Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, 'Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself.
I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.'
Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, 'Shhhh, they're getting closer...'


A bear and a rabbit were both taking a dump right next to each other.
The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks, 'Do you every have that problem where your poop gets stuck in your fur?'
'No, I never have that problem, why?'
asks the rabbit.
The bear snatches the rabbit up and wipes him on his butt, and says, 'Now you do!'


What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs!


Two bats are going for their midnight feed.
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth.
The first bat says enviously, 'Where did you get all that blood from?'
The second bat replies, 'Follow me.
I`ll show you.'
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave.
He says, 'You see that wall over there?'
The hungry bat excitedly says, 'Yes!'
Other bat says, 'I didn't.'


Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest.
The first one spied a nut and cried out, 'Oh, look!
A nut!'
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, 'It's my nut!'
The first squirrel said, 'That's not fair!
I saw it first!'
'Well, you may have seen it, but I have it,'
argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, 'You shouldn't quarrel.
Let me resolve this dispute.'
The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, 'Now, give me the nut.'
He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, 'See, it was foolish of you to fight.
Now the dispute is resolved.'
Then he reached over and said, 'And for my fee, I'll take the meat.'


One day all the male dogs were playing poker and the stuck there winers in a pot and the cops came and they took a winer so ever since they have been trying to find theres





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