What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry!
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg is frowning and looking very frustrated.
The egg mutters, to no one in particular, 'Well, I guess we answered THAT question!'
Shannon is so lose she could be a wide reciver.
cause any guy with some balls can score on with lose shit
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Why do Iraqis only have 2 pallbearers at their funerals?
Because garbage cans only have 2 handles!
What do Saddam and Miss Muffet have in common?
They both have Kurds in their Way!
Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.'
The little guy faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.
The big guy says: 'What's wrong with you?'
In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says: 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.....
I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'
The small guy says: 'Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around'
Hi, need to talk to you asap.
Need your help.
Don't want anyone else to know...I'm at the police station, have been caught drink driving.
Urine sample was positive, I've stolen the sample and tried to run off with it!
Now I'm being charged with taking the piss ...
What is funnier then a dead Osama bin Laden?
A dead Osama bin Laden in a clown suit!
Why did Smokey the Bear never have children?
Because every time his wife got hot, he hit her with a shovel.