Bad Jokes
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Bad Jokes

This page contains 10 Bad Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Bad Jokes first.

When I was born I was Black.
When I grow up I am black.
When I am sick I am black.
When I go in the sun I am black.
When I am cold I am black.
When I die I am black.
But You.
When you are born you are pink.
When you grow up you are white.
When you are sick you turn green.
When you go in the sun you get red.
When you are cold you turn blue.
When you die you turn purple.
And you have the fucking nerve to call me COLORED!


Artie was a small-time ganster who was looking for some work, so he advertised in the newpaper that he would murder for pay.
Several weeks later he got a call from a man who wanted his wife killed, but could only pay a dollar.
That wasn't much money, but Artie took the job just to build up his reputation.
He tracked the wife into a grocery store, cornered her, and strangled her.
Then he strangled two witnesses.
The next day the headline read 'Artie chokes three for a dollar at the A&P.'


One day these two best friends Jay and Bob were walking down the forset when suddently a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick,with a shocked look on Bob's face he ran for help and ended up in a hospital when he went to the doctor and told him ''quick quick i need your help my friend got bit by a snake on his penis'' the doctor looks down and tells him ''son your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself'' Bob asked'' please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom'' the doctor says ''sorry theres nothing we can do'' so Bob goes running to his friend and when he gets there Jay says with pain '' so what did the doctor say?'' '' doctor said your gonna die


A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of his workers to come up with a name for it.
The man tells Al, one of his workers, that he will name the resaurant after the first thing Al sees when he goes out the door.
Al walks outside and the first thing he saw was a girl named Lucy and he saw her legs.
He told the man, and so the restaurant was named Lucy's Legs.
The man was so impressed that he said the next day Al could get a free drink.
The next day Al comes a bit early and a policeman walks by and notices Al waiting there.
The policeman asks, 'What are you doing?'
Al says, 'I'm waiting for Lucy's legs to open so I can get a drink.'


A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door.
The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says 'Hey little girl.
What are you doing?'
The little girl says 'I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!'
The fireman walks over to take a closer look.
'Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!'
the fireman says.
'Thanks mister', says the little girl.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.
'Little girl', says the fireman, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster.'
The little girl says, 'You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!'


A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog.
All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, 'What are you doing?!'
The blind man replies, 'Just looking around.'


Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life.
When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream.
He rushes back to Jerry and yells, 'I thought I told you to be quiet!'
Jerry says, 'Hey, I tried.
I really did.
When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound.
When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep.
But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!'


Two cannibals meet one day.
The first cannibal says, 'You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary.
I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade.
I just can't seem to get them tender.'
The second cannibal asks, 'What kind of Missionary do you use?'
The other replied, 'You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river.
They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.'
'Ah, ha!'
the second cannibal replies.
'No wonder...
those are FRIARS!'


Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over.
Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, 'My friend just dropped dead!
What should I do?'
A soothing voice at the other end says, 'Don't worry, I can help.
First, let's make sure he's really dead.'
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot.
Then Joe comes back to the phone.
'Okay,'
he says nervously to the operator.
'What do I do next?'


A robber broke into a woman's house and the woman saw him.
She was unprepared and unarmed, and she was a Christian.
She decided to shout a scripture verse to maybe stop him.
She shouted out, 'Axe, 2:38!'
He stopped in his tracks.
When the police arrived, they asked him how that stopped him, and he said, 'I thought she said she had an axe and two thirty-eights!'





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