Bar Jokes
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Bar Jokes

This page contains 10 Bar Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Bar Jokes first.

Bob goes into a cafe and takes a seat near the window.
The waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, 'What's the special of the day?'
'Chili,'
she says, 'but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl.'
Not taken with anything else on the menu Bob says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it.
As he waits, Bob notices the man next to him is eating a full lunch, and the bowl of chili remains uneaten.
'Excuse me sir', enquires Bob, 'Are you going to eat your chili?'
'No, help yourself,'
replies his neighbour.
Bob picks up a spoon and eagerly begins devouring the chili, but stops half way through the bowl, upon discovering the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl.
Sickened, he pukes the chili he's just eaten back into the bowl.
The man sitting next to him leans over and says, 'Yeah, that's as far as I got, too.'

A Frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a glass of wine.
The Frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well.
The Frenchie asks the landlord, 'What is that dirty camel doing in here?'
The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure.
The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says: 'You want a go?'.
To which the Frenchie replies: 'Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the head.'

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.
Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.
After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.
The bartender is curious and askes him 'every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket.
Why?'
The man replies, 'I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.'

One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny piano.
Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got the person.
The bartender replied that if you go into the closet there is a genie that will grant one wish.
The man dashed into the the closet and as the bartender said their was a genie.
The man wished for 1,000,000 million bucks, but instead, got 1,000,000 ducks.
Infuriated the man stormed to the bartender and screamed, 'I asked your fucking genie for 1,000,000 bucks but I got 1,000,000 ducks.
'No duh', replied the bartender, 'Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch PIANIST!'

A Panda Bear walks into a bar and orders something to eat.
After he gets great service he pays and goes ouside.
He then pulled out an Ak-47 and shoots down the place.
The chef comes out and says,'
Why the hell did you do that?
I gave you great service.'
The panda bear says,'
Look up Panda Bear in the dictionary.'
So doing as the panda bear says HE looks it up and it says Pnada Bear... Eats...shoots...and leaves.

Theres a guy hes just drinking and getting drunk.
Another man walks in the bar.
There just sitting there getting drunk off of there asses.
The first man says,'
I bet 100 dollars its blowing enough out side i we jump of the roof it will pull us right back up.'
So the second man takes that bet.
There on the roof The second guy says.
'You jump off first because I have a family and stuff.
So the first man jumps of he comes right back up.
The second man says'No way let me try.'
He jumps off and splat hes dead.
The first man walks back in side.
The waiter says to the first man, 'Superman your a dick when you get drunk.'

What did the bartender say when a priest, a boyscout, and a blonde walked in?
Is this a joke?

Two pretzels walk into a bar, and one is assaulted!

One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.
They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and got stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: 'AH BEGORRAH!
SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!'

3 vampires walk into a bar.
The 1st one sits and orders a glass of hot blood, the 2nd sits and orders a glass of cold blood.
When the 3rd one sits down she orders a glass of hot water.
The bartender questions why the vampire would order hot water instead of blood.
She reaches down and pulls out a tampon and says, 'I want tea.'




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