Little Johnny was visiting his grandparents.
He was out on the porch when his grandpa pulled out a cigar.
"Can I have one?"
says little Johnny.
"Son, can your cock touch your ass?"
Confused, little Johnny replies, "No."
"Then you're not old enough"
Then grandpa pulls out some beer.
"May I have a drink?"
"Can your cock touch your ass?"
Johnny sadly goes into the house.
He returns later with milk and cookies.
Grandpa sees the cookies and asks for one.
Johnny turns to grandpa and asks: "Grandpa, can your cock touch your ass?"
Grandpa with a smug look on his face replies: "Why yes.
Yes it can."
Without missing a beat Johnny says: "Then go screw yourself, Grandma said these are mine!"
Yo mama is so fat.
That when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease.
The doctor gave her 18 years to live!
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon.
All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink.
The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?"
The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips."
The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?"
Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."
How can you tell the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Knock, Knock Who's there?
Highway 95 pounds!
Here was this man in a bar he ordered a shot he finished the shot and peeked into his pocket then orders another shot and agian peeks into his poket he asks for another drink the bar-tender finally says "ill bring you drinks all night if you tell me why you keep llooking into your pocket!"
the man said that "
he has a picture of his wife in his pocket and as soon as she starts to look good i can go home "
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?
A perfect setup for skeet shooting!
A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it ."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."
To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A jelly baby goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor!
I think I've got aids."
The doctor says, "You cant have aids you're too young!"
The jelly baby says, "But I've been sleeping with all sorts!"