A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar, drinking, when the bartender asked him why his head was so small.
The man, 'I was walking along the beach one day and happened upon a lamp.
A beautiful genie came out of the lamp and said that she would grant me 3 wishes.
First, I wished for all the money in the world.
Then I wished for the biggest mansion in all the world.'
'And then I wished for a little head.'
How can you tell the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath.
Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
'Can I touch it?'
'No way -- you already broke yours off!'
A guy walks in and sits down at a bar.
His face is all bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, 'Hey buddy, what in the world happened to you?'
The guy says, 'Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore.'
'Yeah?' asks the bartender, 'What did she do?'
Guy, 'She hit me with her bag of quarters!'
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal.
The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
'Breast fed,' the woman replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor asked.
He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning for her to get dressed he said, 'No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came.'
Black Eye Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father see's it and says, 'Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?'
Johnny, 'But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!'
'Johnny', the father said, 'you don't do those kind of things to women.'
Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, 'Johnny, I thought we had a talk!'
'But Dad' Johnny said, 'It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!'
Here was this man in a bar he ordered a shot.
He finished the shot and peeked into his pocket.
Then orders another shot and agian peeks into his pocket.
He asks for another drink.
The bar-tender finally says, 'Ill bring you drinks all night if you tell me why you keep looking into your pocket!'
The man said that he has a picture of his wife in his pocket and as soon as she starts to look good I can go home.
Earl be glad to get to bed, I'm tired.
Will you remember me tomorrow?
Will your remember me in a week?
I thought you said you'd remember me!
Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.