How to speak about men and be politically correct:
He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a CRAP DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.
He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.
He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.
He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.
He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.
He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.
He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!
If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry!
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
Yo mama so ugly She make blind kids cry!
A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, 'All lawyers are assholes!'
He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge.
Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, 'Take that back.'
The biker says, 'Why? Are you a lawyer?'
'No, I'm an asshole.'
What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention!