There was a tribe of Indians and a kid went to the chief and they were talking about stuff.
Then the kid asked the chief, 'Where do our names came from?'
The chief said, 'The woman that gave birth to you names you'
'What she sees when she has you'
'Why do you ask? TWO DOGS FUCKING'
What did the mother-fucker, say to the other mother-fucker?
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father.
While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, 'Why are you doing that?
I mean, at his age what will it do for him?'
The nurse explains, 'The hot chocolate will help him sleep.'
The man says, 'And the Viagra?'
'Keeps him from falling out of bed.'
I went to the store the other day.
I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a stupid idiot.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
Then I really got angry at him.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't care.
My car was parked around the corner!
What is the difference between a woman a pool table?
On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.
Show me a piano falling down a shaft and I will show you A-flat Minor
Some good pick-up lines:
1. I bet you $200 you won't sleep with me tonight.
2. You know there is a fairy the makes you pretty by tapping you with her wand, so she must have beat the shit out of you.
3. Are you an angel, because I have an erection.
Three guys are arguing at a party about who has the best memory.
The first guy says, 'I can remember my mother putting on my diaper.'
The second guy says, 'That's nothing.
I can remember being born.'
The third guy says, 'That's nothing.
I can remember going to a party with my father and coming home with my mother.'
A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
'Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?'
'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm', she said.
Then he asked, 'Why is my sister named Cornflower?'
'Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her', she replied.
He then asked, 'And why is my other sister called Moonchild?'
'We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived', the mother replies.
The mother paused and said to her son, 'Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?'
Soviet variation on a classic US presidents on a sinking boat: Classic joke: Kennedy, Nixon and Carter (sometimes said with Clinton instead of Kennedy) are on a sinking boat.
Carter says, 'Get all of the women and children off the boat!'
Nixon: 'Fuck the women and children, get me off!'
Kennedy: 'Fuck the women and children?
Do you think we have time?'
Soviet Variation: Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are on a ship hit by an iceberg and it's now sinking.
Khrushchev says, 'Quick, we need to reform the ship and stop it from sinking!'
Stalin: 'Stop it from sinking?
Ah fuck the ship!
I drove it into the iceberg on purpose.'
Brezhnev: 'Fuck the ship?
Do you think we have time?'