Clean Jokes
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Clean Jokes

This page contains 10 Clean Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Clean Jokes first.

Did you hear about the Alabama Lottery?
You can win $20 dollars every year for the next million years.


A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, 'Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!'
All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced.
'OK,'
he said, 'I withdraw what I said.
Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!'


George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard: Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings.
People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria.
People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet.
Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do!


So many pedestrians, so little time.


A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.
'I am the strongest, most powerful man here,'
he boasted.
He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, John had enough.
'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?'
he said.
'I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back.'
'You're on old man,'
the braggart replied.
'It's a bet!
Let's see what you got.'
John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said 'All right.
Get in.'


A company boss has to decide who to lay someone off.
He decides on two low level management employees Jack or Karen.
He goes to Karen and says, 'I will have to lay you or Jack off!'


A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere.
He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared.
The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated.
One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, 'Sir, what are you doing!?!'
The man turned toward the teller and said, 'Oh, nothing - just looking around.'


A mother and her young son returned home from the grocery store.
The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
'What are you doing?'
his mother asked.
'The box says you can't eat them is the seal is broken.
I'm looking for the seal.'


Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, 'Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.'
Nearly 5,000 years later, Roosevelt said, 'Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel;
this is the Promised Land!'
Now the Republicans want to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise the price of your Camels, and mortgage the Promised Land.
The right-wingers that always manage to get in the National Guard during war;
want to change the Republican Party Emblem from an elephant to a condom: Because it stands for inflation, protects a bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives a false sense of security while one is being screwed!


I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time.
So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.





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