Corny Jokes

This page contains 10 Corny Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Corny Jokes first.

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar.
A $40 speeding ticket was included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.

Dear Ma and Pa, I am well.
Hope you are.
Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile.
Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
but I am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things.
No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.
Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee.
Their food plus yours holds you until noon when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches,'
which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.
If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different.
A 'route march'
is about as far as to our mailbox at home.
Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher.
He nags a lot.
The Captain is like the school board.
Majors and colonels just ride around and frown.
They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.
I keep getting medals for shooting.
I don't know why.
The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.
All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.
You don't even load your own cartridges.
They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.
You get to wrestle with them city boys.
I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.
It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.
I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake I only beat him once.
He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6'
and 130 pounds and he's 6'8'
and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, �Alice

You so ugly, last time you got ass was when your toilet paper broke!

A nun at a Catholic school is asking her students what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Mary declares, 'I want to be a prostitute.'
'What did you say?'
asks the nun.
'I said I want to be a prostitute,'
Mary repeats.
'Oh, thank heavens,'
says the nun.
'I thought you said a Protestant!'

What do you call 20 French politicians face down in the Channel?
A start.

A man was in a office and said to his assistant, is this office dull, or am I Jimmy Joe?

There was a lawyner, a priest, and a class of children.
They were all on a cruise.
A couple of days later the ship hits a iceberg and it begins to sink.
So the kids get on a line to get off the ship, and then the lawyner runs pass the kids and get on the lifeboat that was for the kids and says, lets go.'
Then the priest says,'what about the children.'
The lawyner says,'fuck the children.'
Then the priest says,'do have time for that.'

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, 'And what starting salary were you looking for?'
The candidate said, 'In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.'
The HR Person said, 'Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?'
The Engineer sat up straight and said, 'Wow!
Are you kidding?'
And the HR Person said, 'Certainly, ...but you started it.'

A car was involved in an accident in a street.
As expected a large crowd gathered.
A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, 'Let me through!
Let me through!
I am the son of the victim.'
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

Once a guard was highered to a museum and he asks for rules of the museum.
By the next day he starts a duty, studying all rule.
Then the first visitor by the morning came, the guard stop's him, searching him as rule says and ask him to leave his umbrella out side, the man lough and replay '
i haven't have one can't you see'
then the guard replies 'in that case sir i cant let you in because the rule say that 'customers must put there umbrella out side.' So by the rule i suggest you, to go back to your home, bring your umbrella, then you put it out side.
i promise i let you in'

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