Corny Jokes
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Corny Jokes

This page contains 10 Corny Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Corny Jokes first.

Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals.
The men are led to a gravesite next to the water.
'You have two choices of death,'
says the chief.
'We either will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honarable deaths for your homelands.
You choose the weapon.
Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes.'
The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun.
With this shoots himself.
The next man, a warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man.
The last man asks for a fork.
He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest.
'I HOPE YOUR CANOE SINKS!'

Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds.
He stopped at a house to ask for his monthly fee, only to find a small boy at the door slurping from a beer bottle, smoking a Havana cigar, and with his arm around what appeared to be a call-girl.
Surprised, the milkman asked the boy if his parents were home.
'Does it look like it?'

A scientist puts a add intot he newspaper asking for 4 very rich volanteers week later 4 ver smart bussiness men arive and the scientist explains why there there he tells them that he has a elephant in his lab thats being fed lots and lots of food and has a cork in his bum and tlel them to come bak in months time (month later)they ocme bakc to the scientist whos on a football pitch with the elephant and a little monkey on his shoulder the scientist then tlel the 4 men to stand on the feild 1st man 2 ft from the elephant 2nd man 5 ft form the elephant 3rd man 11ft form the elephant 4th man 15 ft form the elephant then he says tothe monkey 'ok bobo do you stuff'
the monkey climbs on the elephants back and yancks the cork from the leephants bum !KABOOM!
poo everywere the scientist goes to the 4th person whos in tears!
his new shoes jsut got poo all over them he goes to the 3rd guy in tears!
his new pants got coverd in poo he goes to the 2nd man absolutely stinks from sholder to toe in poo says sorry move son to the 1st guy gets to 1st guy and he cant find him so he starts to dig and just gets his head to the top and hes laughing his head off the scientist says why are you laaughing a just rewind your posh suit the 1st man replys you should of seen that onkeys face when he pulled on tht cork!

Two cellphones had a baby the named it Addaline

Once there was 3 men in a forest in the middle of nowhere!
And there walking along and this native tribe captures the three men.
And the native tribe says find 1 type of fruit and 10 of it.
So the first guy comes back with coconuts.
And the native tribe says you have to sick all of that fruit up you BUT without making any expresions or they kill him instantly.
So he gets up to 2 And cries so they killed him.
Then the next guy comes back with blueberries and dies.
So the 1 guy in heaven and says 'How did you die'
And the 2 guy says 'I started to laugh because I saw the 3 guy come back with.... PINAPPLES!'

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
HAPPY: Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURCES WELL: Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.

Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo.
COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:   We have no time to train you+-
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:   Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.
I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office.
I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I?ve had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.
I?M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.
I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.
I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk.

When you have an 'I hate my job' day try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section.
You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by 'Q-tip.'
Be very sure that you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.
Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.
Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Take out the written material that accompanies the thermometer and read it.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement: 'Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested.'
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip Company!'

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal.
The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
'Breast fed,' the woman replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor asked.
She did.
He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
Motioning for her to get dressed he said, 'No wonder this baby is under weight!
You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came.'

A man got pulled over for just rolling through a stop sign,when the man got pulled over by the cop he pleaded his case and said he slowed down enough at the stop sign and there was nothing coming, the cop then pulled his night stick out and started hitting the man that had ran the stop sign, the cops says 'do you want me to slow down or stop?
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