Corny Jokes
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Corny Jokes

This page contains 10 Corny Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Corny Jokes first.

1. They always wear protection
2. They have great hands
3. They are used to scoring
4. They have great stamina
5. They find the opening and get it in
6. They never miss the target
7. They know how to use their wood
8. They have long sticks
9. They know when to play rough
10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls.

Eddie came to work Monday and his co-workers asked him how his weekend was.
He said he played a little golf.
So his co-worker asked him how well he did.
'I hit two of my best balls,' he said.
'Tell me about it,' said his co-worker.
'I stepped on a rake.'

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, 'Say, why did the foreman fire you?'
Replied the second, 'Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work.
My foreman got jealous.
People started thinking I was the foreman.'

Small boy came home after the school and immediately he goes to his father.
Because the teacher was explaining in the class something about Reality and Imagination but to him it was not clear, he asks his father 'can you tell me which the difference between Reality and Imagination is?'
trying to be as objective as he can he reply to his sun: 'go boy to your mom and your sis and tell them that a very handsome young boy asked you about them, that they are beautiful,like, he would love to share some moments alone with them but tell this to each personally and after they reply cam and tell me what they said'.
Boy goes at first and after that he has don what his father asked from him, he cams back and tell to father that 'mother, when she heard me what I told her, her eyes start shining and asked me about the boys name and where he lives and is he really so cool etc.'
also the sister did the same, maybe she was more interested in details than mother.
Than father told to the sun: Boy, Imagination in this case is that I always thought that I have a faithful wife and a very educated daughter and Reality is that we have two sluts living in same house with us

With the overwhelming response to the CBS hit 'Survivor', Alabamans have made their own version.
Contestants are given pink car to drive from Dothan, to Birmingham, on to Decatur, and back to Dothan.
On each car is a bumper sticker that says, 'I'm gay, I'm a yankee, and I'm here to steal your guns!'
First one back wins.

Mirror Image
I was on the plane and this bloke sat next to me who looked just like me.
I said 'What's your name?'
He said 'Tom Taylor.'
I was beside myself.

Good Journalism
A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the New York Times.
His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story.
An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas.
Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start.
He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there.
The farmer (named Farmer Mahon) agreed to answer his questions.
The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest?
Farmer Mahon replied, 'One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep.
We all formed a posse and found it.
After we all screwed it we took it back to the farmer that lost it.'
'I can't print that,'
said the reporter, 'Is there another event that made you really happy?'
Farmer Mahon thought for a minute and said, 'Yep.
One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost.
She was a good-lookin' young girl.
We all formed a posse and found her.
After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy.'
Again the reporter knew he couldn't print the story and decided to take a different tack.
He asked Farmer Mahon, 'Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?'
Farmer Mahon hung his head and replied, 'Well, I got lost once.'

College Menu and Apology From MLK Day
The following is a dining menu from a university on Martin Luther King Day................
Martin Luther King Jr Specials TODAY - January 21  Fried Chicken, Collard Greens, Black-eyed Pea Rice & Cornbread $6.59  Don't miss our MLK Specials today!
Herman's Famous Southern Fried Chicken -- made with his own homemade secret recipe!
Grilled and Slow-roasted BBQ Ribs rubbed with our special blend or spices  Baked Macaroni & Cheese-with mounds of cheese, of course!
Slow-cooked Seasoned Collard Greens 'Tender Lovin' Care'
Candied Yams Herman's very special Potato Salad and...
the very best Red Beans and Rice on campus!
And this email is from the dining services department the following day....................
Dining Services wishes to apologize for any misunderstanding pertaining to our menu offerings in celebration of Martin Luther King's birthday.
No disrespect to the legacy of Dr.
King or any member of the university community was intended and we deeply regret any offense that we have caused.
Our dining facilities have taken many opportunities over the past years to celebrate the numerous cultural holidays of our diverse community through special menus and theme dinners.
While we have regularly offered a traditional southern menu in our various dining facilities that has been enjoyed by many, in retrospect we fully understand how this could be interpreted as inappropriate on this occasion.
Dining Services has as its primary goal the total satisfaction of our diverse customers.
We are truly sorry that our attempt to commemorate the life and memory of Dr.
Martin Luther King may have instead detracted from his celebration.
We hope that you will accept our sincere apologies and look forward to working with the university community in the future in celebration of our diversity.

Woman's Diet BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz glass skim milk
LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed zucchini
1 Oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
rest of the package of Oreo cookies
1 quart Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge
DINNER 2
loaves garlic bread
1 large pepperoni & mushroom pizza
1 large pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
1 entire cheesecake
DIET TIPS
1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count if you both eat the same amount.
4. Foods used for medicinal purpose have no calories. These include any chocolate used for energy, brandy, cheesecake, and ice cream.
5. Cookie pieces contain no calories, because breakage causes the calories to leak out.
6. If you eat food from someone else's plate, the calories don't count.
7. Movie related snacks are much lower in calories because they are part of the entertainment, and not ones of personal fuel.

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards.
The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds.
That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
The following are this year's candidates:  1.
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth.
This occurred while Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.
She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
2.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor's beagle.
The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr.
Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3.
A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Mr.
Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hub caps.
4.
A.
Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 a!
after she slipped on a soft drink spill and broke her coccyx (tailbone).
The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
5.
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage.
He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.
The family was on vacation, and Mr.
Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days.
He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish.
The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
6.
A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, $780,000 after breaking her ankle by tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store.
The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms.
Robertson's son.
7.
This year's favorite could easily be Mr.
Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Mr.
Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.
On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee.
Not surprisingly, the R.V.
left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
Mr.
Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this.
The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home.
The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.




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