Corny Jokes

This page contains 10 Corny Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Corny Jokes first.

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards.
The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds.
That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
The following are this year's candidates: �1.
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth.
This occurred while Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.
She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
2.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor's beagle.
The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr.
Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3.
A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Mr.
Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hub caps.
4.
A.
Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 a!
after she slipped on a soft drink spill and broke her coccyx (tailbone).
The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
5.
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage.
He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.
The family was on vacation, and Mr.
Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days.
He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish.
The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
6.
A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, $780,000 after breaking her ankle by tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store.
The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms.
Robertson's son.
7.
This year's favorite could easily be Mr.
Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Mr.
Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.
On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee.
Not surprisingly, the R.V.
left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
Mr.
Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this.
The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home.
The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.

A cop pulls over a drunk driver.
The drunk driver says, 'Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight.
You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!'

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA Finals?
The New York Knicks

Three Chinese guys living in Shanghai decided to emigrate to America.
They were named Boo, Choo and Foo and when they arrived in America they realized their names needed to be Americanized to fit in with their adopted country.
So Boo became Buck.
Choo became Chuck.
And Foo decided to return to China!

There were 2 men and they decided to go out for a pint at the spinaker tower in portsmouth and the first man says to the second man: i bet you that i can down a pint,jump out the window and live so the second man says to the first man: go on then.
so the first man downs a pint jumps out the window and just befor he hit the bottom he floated and lived.so the second man says: do it again just so i know it real and you dont have a parchute so the first man downs a pint AGAIN jumps out the window just befor he hits the ground he floats and lives so the second man says: ok i will do it so the second man jumps out the window and hits the ground and dies the first walks over to the bar man and said do you think i should of told him im super man?

Two indian guys knock on two peoples door they ask for joe the lady said hold on a minuit she shouts up to joe your taxis here.

A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons.
A passerby asks her how old the boys are.
'The doctor is three' the mother answers, 'and the lawyer is two.'

Three convicts were on the way to prison.
They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, 'So, what did you bring?'
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could.
He wanted to become the 'Grandma Moses of Jail'.
Then he asked the first, 'What did you bring?'
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, 'I brought cards.
I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games.'
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself.
The other two took notice and asked, 'Why are you so smug?
What did you bring?'
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled.
He said, 'I brought these!'
The other two were puzzled and asked, 'What on earth can you do with those?'
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, 'Well according to the box..
I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating....'

For People who like peace and quiet: A phone less cord.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
In a school the teacher asks Johnny, 'If there are 3 birds sitting on a wire and if u shoot the middle one then how many birds remain?'
Johnny takes a moment and says, 'None!'
'Why?'
the teacher asks.
'Well if u shoot one of them then the rest of them will fly away!'
replied Johnny.

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