Corny Jokes

This page contains 10 Corny Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Corny Jokes first.

Three convicts were on the way to prison.
They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, 'So, what did you bring?'
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could.
He wanted to become the 'Grandma Moses of Jail'.
Then he asked the first, 'What did you bring?'
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, 'I brought cards.
I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games.'
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself.
The other two took notice and asked, 'Why are you so smug?
What did you bring?'
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled.
He said, 'I brought these!'
The other two were puzzled and asked, 'What on earth can you do with those?'
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, 'Well according to the box..
I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating....'

For People who like peace and quiet: A phone less cord.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
In a school the teacher asks Johnny, 'If there are 3 birds sitting on a wire and if u shoot the middle one then how many birds remain?'
Johnny takes a moment and says, 'None!'
'Why?'
the teacher asks.
'Well if u shoot one of them then the rest of them will fly away!'
replied Johnny.

Dear Shrink, It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years.
I couldn't sleep at night.
The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.
I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia;
paranoia!
Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.
I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal.
Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.
Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist?
Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?
I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here?
The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!
I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices;
taunting him.
They kept shrieking over and over that horrid little phrase, 'Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.'
Why couldn?t they just give the innocent, little, white rabbit some cereal?
Why?
Does the fact that he is a rabbit automatically deprive him of the democratic and patriotic notion, the freedom, of eating cereal?
I can vaguely recollect the times when he was this close to getting some of that, that CEREAL.
There was the time when he dressed as a human and went to that secret meeting but was given away by the exposure of his fluffy white tail (I am still wondering how they accepted the ears).
Then there was the time he went to space and ancient times and even the jungle, but to no avail.
You cannot even imagine the rabbits pain.
There are times when you don?t get what you want but you survive;
now think of the rabbit.
Over 50 YEARS of chasing his only hearts desire, the reason he lives, and NEVER getting it.
Can you even begin to understand his pain, his utter grief?
He is such a funny little rabbit, not silly, as those demonic little children accuse him of being.
Despite all his efforts he never got any cereal;
not even when the flavor berry-blue was added to the ever-so-popular flavors of orange.
Cherry.
Grape.
Lemon.
Lime.
WHY?
Those heartless little children had so much cereal and they wouldn?t share.
Even one little spoonful would have satisfied my little white friend?s craving for those delicious six flavors.
But no!
'Trix aren?t for rabbits.
Trix are for kids.
Oh!
The unbearable agonizing pain it has cost me.
That one simple phrase 'silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.'
For the fourteen antagonizing years of my short but cruel life I have watched helplessly as those evil little children refused to share.
I?ve seen the pain in his eyes grow from when he was a black and white toon to the five-color symbol of melancholy, infinite sadness he is now.
No More!
In a matter of moments I will be taken up into the ship following the glorious Hale-Bopp and with the help of some friends I.Q.
WILL.
FEED.
THE.
RABBIT!
Feed him to his hearts desire so he can finally enjoy the pleasure of the orange, cherry, grape, lemon, lime, and new wildberry blue.
I can?t wait to see the look on their moronic little faces as I feed the rabbit!
He will be happy as I, when I give Trix to the rabbit and kill the kids!
Who?s with me?
Sianara, � You Know Who � P.S.
If you happen to find 496 Trix cereal tops and over 2,546 Betty Cocker points.
You will know that I haven?t failed.
Oh yeah, trade them in for a 7?
by 4?
by 2?
life size replica of the Trix Rabbit.

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured.
Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming... Damn, What a ride!

An elderly couple was attending church services.
About halfway through she leans over and says, 'I just had a silent fart.. what do you think I should do?'
He replies 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid!'

There was a party that many rich people attended.
The host had recently built a tank with many alligators, paranas, and many other things that could kill you.
The host said that if anyone could swim across the tank, he would, to the best of his ability, grant them 3 wishes.
Well, nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a good time and doing that 'party thing.'
Suddenly, there was this big splash!
The host looked and saw a man swimming to beat hell across the tank, and, look and behold, he made it!
The host walked over to the man and said, 'Alright, you made it, WOW!.
What are your 3 wishes?'
The man replied, 'First, you see that shotgun of yours?
give me it, Two, see those bullets over there?
give me them, 3, show me the bastard who pushed me in.'

A large two engines train was crossing America.
After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down.
'No problem', the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.
Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: 'Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news.
The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time.
The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly.'

A tourist asks a man in uniform, 'Are you a policeman?'
'No, I am an undercover detective.'
'So why are you in uniform?'
'Today is my day off.'

Country Style
A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country.
As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him.
After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter 'country style.'
'What's country style?' asks the city boy.
'Out here in the country,' the farmer says, 'when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can.
Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can.
And so forth.
Last man standin' wins the dispute.'
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself.
The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might.
The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood.
Finally he staggers to his feet and says, 'All right, n-now it's-it's m-my turn.'
The farmer grins.
'Aw, hell, you win.
Keep the duck.'

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