Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He's all right now!
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" the patient asked. "To the morgue," the doctor replied. "What?" The patient panicked. "But I'm not dead yet!" "And we're not there yet," the doctor said.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him.
My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, If I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.