"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" the patient asked. "To the morgue," the doctor replied. "What?" The patient panicked. "But I'm not dead yet!" "And we're not there yet," the doctor said.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!" They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, If I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He's all right now!
My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.