Dark Humor Jokes
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Dark Humor Jokes

This page contains 10 Dark Humor Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Dark Humor Jokes first.

"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."


Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.


It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.


I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he died. "Are you still holding the ladder?"


The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.


I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.


Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."


Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"


My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him.


If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you're a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!





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