What do you call an abortion in Czechoslovakia?
A cancelled Czech!
When do you know when a picnic turns Gay?
When the hot dogs taste like shit!
It was Christmas evening, and little Timmy with his sisters couldn't wait the next morning, when presents are opened.
Finally mom got 'em into bed and started to arrange packets.
Next morning everyone rushed downstairs and started to open presents.
Little Timmy was confused, he didn't see any packets with his name on it, but his sisters got many.
Finally he asked from his mother, 'Why I don't have any presents?'
'Because you have cancer'
How do you tell if your boyfriend has a high sperm count?
If you have to chew before you swallow!
There are three brothers.
The first one likes to cut stuff.
The second loved to paint things green.
The third one just loved to eat pickles so much.
One day, The first dude accidentally cut his penis.
The second dude found it and painted it green and left it o the floor.
The last dude saw it and ate it.
He said it was really juicy and crunchy!
How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
Look for sesame seed buns!
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked - 'Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?'
Aghast, the man said, 'are you NUTS?, that's robbery!'
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again - 'Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - 'you must be crazy pal, now go away!'
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them.
He tells the irate guy - 'Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much'.
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite;
suddenly, the guys spits it out and says: 'HEY,' he snarled, 'this brownie tastes like crap!'
'It is,' replied the salesman. 'Wanna buy some mouthwash?'
Ok there where 3 guys driving way out in the country they ran out of gas in front of this house in the middle of no where they went and knocked on there door a old ugly fat stinky lady came to the door they asked her do you have any gas she said yes but i will only give it to you if one of you fuck me well they went back to the car and they drew strals one guy got the shortist and brought the lady in the barn he said i will only fuck you if yoour blind folded and tied up so she got undressed and he tied her a to pole and blind folded her then he look around the barn and found corn on the cob and fucked the old lady then there the corn out the window when he went out side ,his friends laught at him and said well you where fucking the old lady we where down he eating cream corn.
The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.
The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill.
She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me.
What could I do to top that?
I got out my wallet and thought for a minute.
Then the banker in me took over.
I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks and went home!
Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?
So the sheep push back harder!