Dirty Jokes
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Dirty Jokes

This page contains 10 Dirty Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Dirty Jokes first.

Thank You!

The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.
The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled  out a $50 bill.
She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me.
What could I do to top that?
I got out my wallet and thought for a minute.
Then the  banker in me took over.
I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks and went home!


Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?


What do a walrus and tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal!


It was Christmas evening, and little Timmy with his sisters couldn't wait the next morning, when presents are opened.
Finally mom got 'em into bed and started to arrange packets.
Next morning everyone rushed downstairs and started to open presents.
Little Timmy was confused, he didn't see any packets with his name on it, but his sisters got many.
Finally he asked from his mother, 'Why I don't have any presents?'
'Because you have cancer'
mom replied.


Man: 'I'd like to buy some dog food.'
Checkout lady: 'Do you have a dog?'
Man: 'Yes.'
Checkout lady: 'Where is he?'
Man: 'He's at home.'
Checkout lady: 'I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog.
Store policy.'
The next day, the man returns.
Man: 'I'd like to buy some cat food.'
Checkout lady: 'Do you have a cat?'
Man: 'Yes.'
Checkout lady: 'Well...
where is he?'
Man: 'He's at home!'
Checkout lady: 'Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.'
The next day the man returns.
Checkout lady: 'What's in the sack?'
Man: 'Put your hand inside.'
Checkout lady: 'Hmm...
It's warm and moist!
What is it?'
Man: 'I would like to buy some toilet paper!'


The seven dwarves were on a bus, they started to feel Sleepy so he got off.


What did Osama name his last daughter?
Camela - after her mother!


What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.


The Mens Room
In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished.
He turned to the other two men and commented, 'I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.'
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, 'I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.'
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, 'I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to piss on our hands.


A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes:  'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him:  'I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!
USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!'





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