How many Branch Davidians can you fit in a car?
It depends on how big your ashtray is!
What do a walrus and tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal!
How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?
10 little piggies, one ass, two calves, one pussy, and some crabs on hares.
Heres a man who farts every morning when he gets up really hard and really loud and his wife is always tellin him dont do that or youll fartt your guts out so one night while hes sleeping she goes to the fridge and gets these chicken guts and puts them in his pants while hes asleep so when the next morning comes and he farts hes like OMG!
so he runs to the bathroom and stays in there for hours and at first the wife was laughing but then she gets concerned cause hed been in there for a while so he finally comes out and she says whats wrong and he says well it finally happend i finally farted my guts out and she says but honey why were you in there so long and he says well with the help of GOD and 2 fingers i got it all back in
Two tampons were crossing the street.
They see a friend.
Which one waves?
Neither, they are both stuck up cunts!
The Mens Room
In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished.
He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to piss on our hands.
What do u call a black priest?
Ther were three brothers.
One day they saw a pile of shit.
The first one said "I think it is shit, let me smell it"
and he does.
The second one says im ging to touch it and he does.The third one says he will eat it and he does.
This little girl sees her dad naked in the shower and says "daddy whats that"
he replies "erm thats my bird"
she says "
what are they next to it"
he replies "there its eggs"
and then she says "what are they sitting on"
then the man says "thats its nest"
The next he wakes up and he screams his daughter runs in and she says "
last night i stroked your bird and it spat at me so i snapped the birds neck cracked is eggs and burnt its nest"
A guy was riding down the road when he saw a pretty young lady standing with her thumb out.
The driver pulled over and offered her a ride.
She got in, and they started driving.
"My name is June Hanson," she said.
"My name is Gene Snow,"
They rode on for a while in silence.
"Why do you keep sizing me up?"
she asked after a while.
"I was just wondering what it would be like to have eight inches of Snow in June."