One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, 'Hello ladies!'
What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.
Their was this kid that always got picked on at school.
Everyday his friends and kids that went to school always said to him, 'F**k you.'
Well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means.
One day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant, so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father.
He yelled, 'Pah!'
And then his pa came out and asked, 'What hell you want boy?'
The boy said, 'Pah, what does f**k mean?'
And then his pah said, 'Son I think it's time you knew what f**k mean.'
Pah then yelled out, 'Mah, get down here, son wants to know what f**k mean.'
Mah comes down stairs, pah says, 'Mah take off your clothes and get in your position.'
He turns to his son and says, 'Son you see that pink spot on mah?
Uh huh watch your pah go to work!'
Then the boys sister came in the door and says, 'What are they doing?'
The boy turns his head and with a smile he says, 'They fuckin.'
Sister says, 'What does f**k mean?'
'WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH uh huh WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK!'
This little girl sees her dad naked in the shower and says 'daddy whats that'
he replies 'erm thats my bird'
she says '
what are they next to it'
he replies 'there its eggs'
and then she says 'what are they sitting on'
then the man says 'thats its nest'
The next he wakes up and he screams his daughter runs in and she says '
last night i stroked your bird and it spat at me so i snapped the birds neck cracked is eggs and burnt its nest'
A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Western Oklahoma.
He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best Okie manner says, 'Nah, go ahead.'
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too!'
A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh.
She points to them and asks the bartender 'Does this look like Mike Tyson?'
Bartender says 'No.'
She then asks 'Does this look like Evander Holifield?'
Bartender says 'Nope sorry.'
She's says 'Well I want another opinion.'
She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar.
She points to her inner right thigh and asks him 'Does this tattoo look like Mike Tyson?'
Drunk guy says 'No.'
She points to her inner left thigh and asks 'Well does this tattoo look like Evander Holifield?'
Drunk guy says 'No but the one in the middle looks like Don King.'
How do you know if Dr.
Dre has a high sperm count?
Eminem has to chew before swallowing!
What did Osama name his last daughter?
Camela - after her mother!
Theres a boy named Jhonne and his mom is always in the bed with kids so he asked her one day did you do it with max and she said no no way then Jhonne said are you sure because in the changeroom today his dick looked like a rainbow and you sure where alot of lipstick
Bush Plans WW3 A guy walks in and asks the bartender, 'Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor.
What are you guys doing in here?'
Bush says, 'We're planning WWIII.'
And the guy says, 'Really?
What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one librarian.'
The guy exclaimed, 'A librarian!
Why kill a librarian?'
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, 'See, dummy!
I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!'