It was Christmas evening, and little Timmy with his sisters couldn't wait the next morning, when presents are opened.
Finally mom got 'em into bed and started to arrange packets.
Next morning everyone rushed downstairs and started to open presents.
Little Timmy was confused, he didn't see any packets with his name on it, but his sisters got many.
Finally he asked from his mother, "Why I don't have any presents?"
"Because you have cancer"
A Marine and Navy-man are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands.
says the Navy-man, "in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands."
"In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands."
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, "Do you have enough room up there for a pizza and a six pack of beer?"
The cabbie says, "Sure."
So the frat boy leans forward and throws-up.
A blonde is having sex with a man, later on she gave him a hand job and then some white stuff came out and the blonde said "ewww!
you got dandruff".
A soldier was shot in the groin area and the nurse comes over and says drop your pants he says ur a girl im not going to drop my pants she says just do it im a nurse.
he says fine and drops his pants.she grabs his left testicale and says say 10 he says 10 she grabs his right testical she says say 10 he says 10 she strokes his penis she says say ten he says 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
Ok there where 3 guys driving way out in the country they ran out of gas in front of this house in the middle of no where they went and knocked on there door a old ugly fat stinky lady came to the door they asked her do you have any gas she said yes but i will only give it to you if one of you fuck me well they went back to the car and they drew strals one guy got the shortist and brought the lady in the barn he said i will only fuck you if yoour blind folded and tied up so she got undressed and he tied her a to pole and blind folded her then he look around the barn and found corn on the cob and fucked the old lady then there the corn out the window when he went out side ,his friends laught at him and said well you where fucking the old lady we where down he eating cream corn.
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?
So the sheep push back harder!
One day a man walks into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that he wanted a 100 dollar bill tattooed on his dick.
The tattoo artist told him if he could give him three reasons why he wanted the tattoo he would give it to him.
The man says, "Well, for one, I like to play with my money, two, I like to watch it grow, and three, if my wife wants to blow 100 dollars again, she doesn't have to go to the mall!"