Dirty Jokes
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Dirty Jokes

This page contains 10 Dirty Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Dirty Jokes first.

Thank You!

How does herpes leave the hospital?
On crotches.


One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, 'Hello ladies!'


What did the leper say to the blonde hooker?
Keep the tip!


This little girl sees her dad naked in the shower and says 'daddy whats that'
he replies 'erm thats my bird'
she says '
what are they next to it'
he replies 'there its eggs'
and then she says 'what are they sitting on'
then the man says 'thats its nest'
The next he wakes up and he screams his daughter runs in and she says '
last night i stroked your bird and it spat at me so i snapped the birds neck cracked is eggs and burnt its nest'


A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal.
Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.
He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger.
He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, 'Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger!
I demand to see what is going on!'
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit.
He says, 'That's disgusting!'
Then the waitress says, 'You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts.'


An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.
She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, 'Romance'
by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!'
Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, 'Chanel No.
5, $200 an ounce!'
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.
Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says, 'Broccoli - 49 cents a pound'...


This guy goes to a 5 dollar hooker and takes her home for the night.
A couple days later,he finds out he has crabs, so he goes to the hooker and confronts her and says '
You gave me crabs.'
And the hooker says 'For 5 dollars what did you expect lobsters?'


Their was this kid that always got picked on at school.
Everyday his friends and kids that went to school always said to him, 'F**k you.'
Well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means.
One day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant, so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father.
He yelled, 'Pah!'
And then his pa came out and asked, 'What hell you want boy?'
The boy said, 'Pah, what does f**k mean?'
And then his pah said, 'Son I think it's time you knew what f**k mean.'
Pah then yelled out, 'Mah, get down here, son wants to know what f**k mean.'
Mah comes down stairs, pah says, 'Mah take off your clothes and get in your position.'
He turns to his son and says, 'Son you see that pink spot on mah?
Uh huh watch your pah go to work!'
Then the boys sister came in the door and says, 'What are they doing?'
The boy turns his head and with a smile he says, 'They fuckin.'
Sister says, 'What does f**k mean?'
'WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH uh huh WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK!'


Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, 'We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?'
The mother told them, 'Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours.'
So the nuns left thinking, 'What can I do that's unholy?'
The next day they went to the mother one at a time.
The mother said tot he first nun, 'What unholy thing did you do?'
and the nun said 'I stole a kid's bike.'
The mother said, 'I guess that will do, go drink some holy water.'
When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, 'What unholy thing did you do?'
The nun replied, 'I slept with a married man!'
The mother said, 'Well, that's sinning.
Go drink holy water.'
The third nun walked in and the mother said, 'What unholy thing did you do?'
The third nun said proudly, 'I pissed in the holy water!'


There were three ladys,they were in the salon one of them had blonde hair,one of them had brown and one had green.
the hair dresser asked the blonde and the brown is that your natarel hair the blonde and the brown said yes when she got to the green one she said is that your natarel hair and she rubbed her nose whithe the palm of her hand a nd took it to her head and said yes





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