"Where did you get those zacklies?"
"Yeah, your breath smells zacklie like your butt!"
Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one afternoon and become lost.
After twenty hours with nothing to eat or drink, one of them spots a lamp floating by.
He picks it up and a genie pops out.
The genie notices the poor condition of the brothers and grants them one wish between the two of them.
After a lot of arguing over who gets the wish, one of them blurts out, "I wish the ocean was made of beer."
Magically, the ocean turns to beer.
Infuriated, the other guy yells, "You idiot!
Now we have to piss in the boat!"
It was Christmas eve and Hannah was getting ready for bed she was about three she put out milk and cookies for santa kissed her mom and dad goodnight and went to bed after awhile they started having sex then went to bed. The little girl woke up in the morning and her parents came down a bit latter Hannah was telling them how Santa came but he left some "icing" >on the couch but not to worry cuz she licked it up.
Son and mother were on a bus when the kid saw two dogs having sex, he asks his mum, "What are they doing mummy?"
She replies, "Baking a cake"
Then the kid says, "You and daddy were baking a cake last night weren't you mummy?"
She replies, "How do you know me and daddy were baking a cake?"
The kid says, "Because I licked the icing of the sofa!"
Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Fred fell in the mud!
Wanna hear a clean one?
He had a shower!
A cucumber, a pickle & a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The cucumber says "my life sucks, when i get big fat and juicy, they cut me up and toss me into a salad"... The pickle says "when i get big fat and juicy they cover me in vinegar and throw me in a jar"... The penis says "U think thats bad... when i get big fat and juicy they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark damp room and bang my head against the wall til i throw up and pass out!"
The day care bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder.
She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
15 minutes later she taps him on his shoulder again and hands him another handful of almonds.
She repeats this gesture about 8 times.
After the 9th time he asks the lady why they do not eat the almonds themselves.
She replied that it is not possible because of their old teeth.
They can not chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?"
he asks, puzzled.
Where upon the lady answers, "We just love to lick the chocolate around them".
A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment.
The doctor calls her name and says, "Will you please follow me?"
She is following him down the hallway when the doctor opens the first door.
There is a nurse in there giving a guy a hand job.
The doc says, "Oh, sorry!"
and shuts the door.
He starts down the hall again when the lady says, "Excuse me, I don't want to sound stupid, but what was that?"
The doctor replies, "He has a backup problem and the nurse is just helping him out."
The lady just shakes her head and follows the doctor.
The doc walks into the second door.
There is a nurse giving a man a blowjob.
The doc says, "Oh sorry!"
and shuts the door.
He starts down the hall again and the lady says, "Excuse me, I can kind of understand the first one - but what was that?"
The doc replies, "Same problem, better insurance."
How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
Look for sesame seed buns!
How does a blonde guy take a shower?
He pees against the wind!