Bush Plans WW3 A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor.
What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WWIII."
And the guy says, "Really?
What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one librarian."
The guy exclaimed, "A librarian!
Why kill a librarian?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, dummy!
I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity.
They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys.
There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed.
Later, after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks, "So, how was I?"
She says, "Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf."
The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.
The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill.
She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me.
What could I do to top that?
I got out my wallet and thought for a minute.
Then the banker in me took over.
I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks and went home!
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon?
"Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
What do you call nuts on a wall?
Wallnuts What do you call nuts on your chest?
Chest nuts What do you call nuts on your chin?
A penis in your mouth
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
See you next month.
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.
The Marine goes to leave without washing up.
The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!"
Johnny and Rebecca were walking down the road and when all of a sudden he sees a 20 dollar bill and tells Rebecca, "Who's is it, mine or yours?"
So she says, "Mine."
Then they make a left and see a 50 dollar bill and he says to her, "Who's it, mine or yours?"
Now they are almost at the store and there is a dick in her mouth, he says, "Who's is it?"
Then Rebecca says, "YOURS, YOURS, OH YOURS!"
A man walked into a market to get some cat food for his cat, the guy at the counter said "that he cant get the cat food because he can feed it to his children.
so if he brought his cat he can buy the cat food".
the next day the man came in with his cat.
the man let him buy the cat food.
a couple days later the same guy came in and wanted to buy dog food.
the same guy at the counter said "he cant buy that dog food because hes going to feed it to his children."
so the guy brings his dog and he get the dog food.
a couple days later he brings a paper bag to the market.
the same counter guy puts his hand in the bag and say "eww... this is crap"
the guy who brought the bag said "yah i kno i wanted to buy toilet paper"
How does herpes leave the hospital?