Dirty Jokes
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Dirty Jokes

This page contains 10 Dirty Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Dirty Jokes first.

Thank You!

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.
The first guy said, 'Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.'
The second guy said, 'Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.'
The third guy says, 'Man that was nothing.
I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.'
Then the first guy said, 'No -- you guys don't understand!
Chunks is my dog!'

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment.
The doctor calls her name and says, 'Will you please follow me?'
She is following him down the hallway when the doctor opens the first door.
There is a nurse in there giving a guy a hand job.
The doc says, 'Oh, sorry!'
and shuts the door.
He starts down the hall again when the lady says, 'Excuse me, I don't want to sound stupid, but what was that?'
The doctor replies, 'He has a backup problem and the nurse is just helping him out.'
The lady just shakes her head and follows the doctor.
The doc walks into the second door.
There is a nurse giving a man a blowjob.
The doc says, 'Oh sorry!'
and shuts the door.
He starts down the hall again and the lady says, 'Excuse me, I can kind of understand the first one - but what was that?'
The doc replies, 'Same problem, better insurance.'

Confucius says 'Man who goes to sleep with itchy butt....wakes up man with smelly finger!'

How does a blonde guy take a shower?
He pees against the wind!

What did the thirsty whale do?
Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.

A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and says: 'I want a turkey on my right hip.'
So the guy says, 'Ok.'
Does it and then she leaves.
A couple of weeks later she comes back and says: 'I want Santa Clause on my left hip.'
And the man says, 'Ok.'
Does it, while she was getting her money out, he says, 'Can I ask you why you are doing this?'
And she says, 'So my husband will have something to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas!'

A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper.
There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: 'When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned.'
The man did exactly what the sign said, but when he stuck his finger through the hole, someone at the other side slapped two bricks together against his finger and because of the pain he stuck his finger in his mouth and started to suck on it.

Bush Plans WW3 A guy walks in and asks the bartender, 'Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor.
What are you guys doing in here?'
Bush says, 'We're planning WWIII.'
And the guy says, 'Really?
What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one librarian.'
The guy exclaimed, 'A librarian!
Why kill a librarian?'
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, 'See, dummy!
I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!'

Did you know that diarrhea runs in the jeans!

If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
No?
Wanna go to a party?




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