The seven dwarves were on a bus, they started to feel Sleepy so he got off.
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One old lady turns to the other and asks, ’Do you still get horny?’ The other replies, ’Oh sure I do.’ The first old lady asks, ’What do you do about it?’ The second old lady replies, ’I suck a lifesaver.’ After a few moments, the first old lady asks, ’Who drives you to the beach?’
How do you make stew out of a leper?
Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.
Two flies were flying around a pile of poo and the first fly started sniffing around and said, "Ew, who farted?"
A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is it a sin to have sex before receiving communion?"
He replied, "Only if you block the aisle."
What did the maxi pad say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
This guy goes to a 5 dollar hooker and takes her home for the night.
A couple days later,he finds out he has crabs, so he goes to the hooker and confronts her and says "
You gave me crabs."
And the hooker says "For 5 dollars what did you expect lobsters?"
A guy named Ivan lives in Russia.
He is walking along the road one day and he finds a magic lamp.
Ivan rubs the magic lamp and a genie pops out.
the genie says "ok Ivan you get one wish!"
Ivan says I wish for every time I piss it is vodka.
The genie says "ok granted."
Ivan runs home to to his wife and says "hey Natasha get 2 glasses".
He takes the 2 glasses and pisses in both.
he says "here try it my piss is vodka."
Natasha tries some and says "holy smokes your piss is vodka".
Next night Ivan comes home and says "hey Natasha go get 1 glass.
Natasha says "how come only 1 glass?"
Ivan says "tonight I drink from the glass and you drink from the bottle."
What do you see when you have a vagina stapled to you fore head?
My balls slapping you in the face.
A grown man decided one day to go to a nude beach for a full body tan.
While he was laying on the sand a little girl full dressed asked, "What is that?"
Pointing directly at his penis.
He replied, "That is my little birdie."
And she responded politely, "May I play with your little birdie?"
he replied with a chuckle.
Then the little girl wandered off, as he began to fall asleep.
A few hours later he woke up in a Hospital.
"Why am I here here, what happened?"
he asked curiously.
Then he noticed the little girl was standing next to him and she simply replied: "I got bored so I came back and played with your little birdie, but then it spat at me so I broke your birdies neck, cracked its eggs, and burned its nest."