Dirty Jokes
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Dirty Jokes

This page contains 10 Dirty Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Dirty Jokes first.

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A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment.
The doctor calls her name and says, 'Will you please follow me?'
She is following him down the hallway when the doctor opens the first door.
There is a nurse in there giving a guy a hand job.
The doc says, 'Oh, sorry!'
and shuts the door.
He starts down the hall again when the lady says, 'Excuse me, I don't want to sound stupid, but what was that?'
The doctor replies, 'He has a backup problem and the nurse is just helping him out.'
The lady just shakes her head and follows the doctor.
The doc walks into the second door.
There is a nurse giving a man a blowjob.
The doc says, 'Oh sorry!'
and shuts the door.
He starts down the hall again and the lady says, 'Excuse me, I can kind of understand the first one - but what was that?'
The doc replies, 'Same problem, better insurance.'


Three men were in a sauna.
An Italian, a German, and a Pollack.
Suddenly, they heard a beeping noise.
The Italian guy pushed a few buttons on his hand and then told the others that he had a chip installed in his hand to allow him to be paged.
Then, they heard a ring and the German man pushed a button on his hand and put his hand up to his ear and carried a conversation.
After pressing another button on his hand the German man said that he had a chip installed in his hand to allow him to receive calls.
The Polish man excuses himself to use the bathroom.
He comes back, with a piece of toilet paper trailing from his butt.
The other men laugh and point.
The Polish man cranes his neck around to look.
He says, 'Wow!
I must have gotten a fax!'


While setting at my computer a commercial came on about a feminine product.
The lady said if I have a feminine itch with an odor what do I do?
I said to my wife, what did she do scratch and sniff?


The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
'Everyone knows,'
the mother lectured him, 'that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool.'
'Oh really?' said the lifeguard, 'from the diving board!?!?'


A Marine and Navy-man are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands.
'Hey,'
says the Navy-man, 'in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands.'
'In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands.'


A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and says: 'I want a turkey on my right hip.'
So the guy says, 'Ok.'
Does it and then she leaves.
A couple of weeks later she comes back and says: 'I want Santa Clause on my left hip.'
And the man says, 'Ok.'
Does it, while she was getting her money out, he says, 'Can I ask you why you are doing this?'
And she says, 'So my husband will have something to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas!'


Bush Plans WW3 A guy walks in and asks the bartender, 'Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor.
What are you guys doing in here?'
Bush says, 'We're planning WWIII.'
And the guy says, 'Really?
What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one librarian.'
The guy exclaimed, 'A librarian!
Why kill a librarian?'
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, 'See, dummy!
I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!'


How does a woman make a man eat shit?
She wipes forward


A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady.
A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and let loose a big noisy fart.
Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her 'Do you by any chance have today's paper?'
The lady looked at him and said, 'No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves.'


What is 68?
You do me and I owe you!





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