What did Osama name his last daughter?
Camela - after her mother!
Three men were in a sauna.
An Italian, a German, and a Pollack.
Suddenly, they heard a beeping noise.
The Italian guy pushed a few buttons on his hand and then told the others that he had a chip installed in his hand to allow him to be paged.
Then, they heard a ring and the German man pushed a button on his hand and put his hand up to his ear and carried a conversation.
After pressing another button on his hand the German man said that he had a chip installed in his hand to allow him to receive calls.
The Polish man excuses himself to use the bathroom.
He comes back, with a piece of toilet paper trailing from his butt.
The other men laugh and point.
The Polish man cranes his neck around to look.
He says, 'Wow!
I must have gotten a fax!'
Their was this kid that always got picked on at school.
Everyday his friends and kids that went to school always said to him, 'F**k you.'
Well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means.
One day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant, so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father.
He yelled, 'Pah!'
And then his pa came out and asked, 'What hell you want boy?'
The boy said, 'Pah, what does f**k mean?'
And then his pah said, 'Son I think it's time you knew what f**k mean.'
Pah then yelled out, 'Mah, get down here, son wants to know what f**k mean.'
Mah comes down stairs, pah says, 'Mah take off your clothes and get in your position.'
He turns to his son and says, 'Son you see that pink spot on mah?
Uh huh watch your pah go to work!'
Then the boys sister came in the door and says, 'What are they doing?'
The boy turns his head and with a smile he says, 'They fuckin.'
Sister says, 'What does f**k mean?'
'WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH uh huh WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK!'
What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
You push them both aside when you eat.
What do you call a bunch of women hanging around prostitutes?
A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, 'Do you have enough room up there for a pizza and a six pack of beer?'
The cabbie says, 'Sure.'
So the frat boy leans forward and throws-up.
While setting at my computer a commercial came on about a feminine product.
The lady said if I have a feminine itch with an odor what do I do?
I said to my wife, what did she do scratch and sniff?
What do u call a black priest?
In Washington D.C.
they ran out Tickle Me Elmo dolls.
So now they have Fondle Me Packwood dolls!
The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.
The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill.
She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me.
What could I do to top that?
I got out my wallet and thought for a minute.
Then the banker in me took over.
I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks and went home!