What is 68?
You do me and I owe you!
What did Osama name his last daughter?
Camela - after her mother!
A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh.
She points to them and asks the bartender 'Does this look like Mike Tyson?'
Bartender says 'No.'
She then asks 'Does this look like Evander Holifield?'
Bartender says 'Nope sorry.'
She's says 'Well I want another opinion.'
She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar.
She points to her inner right thigh and asks him 'Does this tattoo look like Mike Tyson?'
Drunk guy says 'No.'
She points to her inner left thigh and asks 'Well does this tattoo look like Evander Holifield?'
Drunk guy says 'No but the one in the middle looks like Don King.'
Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?
So the sheep push back harder!
Father:son how do u control ur anger when i have beaten u.
son:i brush the toilet with ur teeth brush.
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza?
Pizzeria!
How does a woman make a man eat shit?
She wipes forward
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it....
he was a DWARF!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
A grown man decided one day to go to a nude beach for a full body tan.
While he was laying on the sand a little girl full dressed asked, 'What is that?'
Pointing directly at his penis.
He replied, 'That is my little birdie.'
And she responded politely, 'May I play with your little birdie?'
'No,'
he replied with a chuckle.
Then the little girl wandered off, as he began to fall asleep.
A few hours later he woke up in a Hospital.
'Why am I here here, what happened?'
he asked curiously.
Then he noticed the little girl was standing next to him and she simply replied: 'I got bored so I came back and played with your little birdie, but then it spat at me so I broke your birdies neck, cracked its eggs, and burned its nest.'
It was Christmas evening, and little Timmy with his sisters couldn't wait the next morning, when presents are opened.
Finally mom got 'em into bed and started to arrange packets.
Next morning everyone rushed downstairs and started to open presents.
Little Timmy was confused, he didn't see any packets with his name on it, but his sisters got many.
Finally he asked from his mother, 'Why I don't have any presents?'
'Because you have cancer'
mom replied.