Doctor Jokes
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Doctor Jokes

This page contains 10 Doctor Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Doctor Jokes first.

A man named matt went to the doctor to get some pills when he got there he told the doc 'that i need some pills'
the doc said 'go buy at least some 12 packs and cigs then go do it


A moth walks into a dentist, and the dentist asks: 'why are you here?', and the moth says: 'cuz your light was on'.


A jelly baby goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor! doctor! I think I've got aids.'
The doctor says, 'You cant have aids you're too young!'
The jelly baby says, 'But I've been sleeping with all sorts!'


The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, 'How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?'
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, 'A basketball coach?'


A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
'All these years, everything has been working just fine.
I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results.
But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.' The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.' She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'


Baby Eater.
A four year old little boy was at the doctor's office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room.
Having nothing better to do, he walk over to her and inquisitively asks, 'Why is your stomach so big?'
She replied, 'I'm having a baby.'
With big eyes, he replied, 'Is the baby in your stomach?'
She said, 'He sure is.'
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another question, 'Is it a good baby?'
She said, 'Oh, yes.
It's a real good baby.'
At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks forward to what he has to say next...
And, much to her surprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks, 'Then why did you eat him?'


A British doctor, a German doctor and an American doctor were chatting.
The British doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
Then the German doctor bragged, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, 'You guys are way behind.
We took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and almost immediately afterwards half the country was looking for work.'


Nina completed four weeks of dental restoration with the dentist.
She confided to her best friend Rosey that she had fallen in love with her dentist and she was going to propose to him.
Rosey said, 'Nina, you're 34 years old, you're beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you.
Why is this dentist THE man for you?'
'Because,'
explained Nina, 'he is the first man that ever said to me -- 'SPIT, don't SWALLOW'.'


There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds.
The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds.
All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.
The head nurse replied, 'We don't know what to do with this baby.'
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, 'You should put him into a mental institution.'
'Why?' asked the head nurse.
'Well,'
replied the chief surgeon, 'take a look at him.
The boy is obviously half nuts.'


A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Of course!
Cut your head off.





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