The funniest website!

Home / Funny jokes / Dog Jokes

Dog Jokes

This page contains 10 Dog Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Dog Jokes first.


Funny jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile! Come here quickly! >

Differences between a dog's journal and a cat's journal Entries in a dog's journal: 8:00 am - OH BOY!
DOG FOOD!
MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY!
A CAR RIDE!
MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY!
A WALK!
MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY!
A CAR RIDE!
MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY!
DOG FOOD!
MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY!
THE KIDS!
MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY!
THE YARD!
MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - ooooooo.
bath.
bummer.
4:00 PM - OH BOY!
THE KIDS!
MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY!
DOG FOOD!
MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY!
MOM!
MY FAVORITE!
Entries in a cat's journal: DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm.
Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.
For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.
This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo."
What sick minds could invent such a liquid?
My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise.
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies."
Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly.
I am certain he reports my every move.
Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait;
it is only a matter of time......

Good Bad

How to clean your cat:
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and lift both lids.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat into the toilet and close both lids.
(You may need to stand on the top so he cannot escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the cat, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a "power wash and rinse"
which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the back door and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the garden.
7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and lift both lids quickly.
8. The freshly cleaned cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The Dog

Good Bad
 


Pages:
(1)

Categories:
Animal Bad Bar Dumb Blonde Celebrity Cheesy Chicken Christmas Chuck Norris Clean Computer Corny Dad Doctor Dirty Donald Trump Fat For Kids Funny Riddles Funny quotes Little Johnny Gay Gender Good Halloween Knock knock Lawyer Lightbulb Jokes Military Old People Puns Redneck Relationship Religious-jokes School Skeleton Yo mama Adult


Funny jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile! Come here quickly! >

4funnies


Funny pictures

These are random funny pictures. Click on an image to view the large version.

Funny jokes

These are random funny jokes. Click on the text to read the entire joke.

Funny Riddles

These are random funny riddles. Click on the text to read the entire riddle.

Optical illusions

These are random optical illusions. Click on an image to view the large version.

Funny jokes

These are the top 10 best funny jokes. Click on the text to read the entire joke.

Funny Riddles

These are the top 10 best funny riddles. Click on the text to read the entire riddle.

Funny Quotes

These are the top 10 best funny quotes. Click on the text to read the entire quote.

A joke in your mailbox every day?

Become a member of the 4funnies.com joke mail:

E-mail address:

Name:


Funny texts Funny riddles Funny limericks Funny jokes Funny sms messages Funny One-liners Dress up game Funny! or not? Text weirdmaker Emoticons & avatars Glitter pictures