Dog Jokes
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Dog Jokes

This page contains 10 Dog Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Dog Jokes first.

Thank You!

Differences between a dog's journal and a cat's journal Entries in a dog's journal: 8:00 am - OH BOY!
DOG FOOD!
MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY!
A CAR RIDE!
MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY!
A WALK!
MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY!
A CAR RIDE!
MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY!
DOG FOOD!
MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY!
THE KIDS!
MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY!
THE YARD!
MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - ooooooo.
bath.
bummer.
4:00 PM - OH BOY!
THE KIDS!
MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY!
DOG FOOD!
MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY!
MOM!
MY FAVORITE!
Entries in a cat's journal: DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm.
Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.
For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.
This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called 'shampoo.'
What sick minds could invent such a liquid?
My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise.
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of 'allergies.'
Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly.
I am certain he reports my every move.
Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait;
it is only a matter of time......


How to clean your cat:
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and lift both lids.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat into the toilet and close both lids.
(You may need to stand on the top so he cannot escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the cat, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a 'power wash and rinse'
which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the back door and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the garden.
7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and lift both lids quickly.
8. The freshly cleaned cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The Dog


 



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