A gay guy, a chain smoker, and an alcoholic all are at heaven's gate and God tells them, 'If you can break your bad habits I will let you into heaven.'
So the three men are sent back to earth and are walking down the street and they see a bar.
They walk inside and all three have a drink then the alcoholic burns and goes to hell.
The gay guy and the chain smoker are walking down the street when someone flicks their cigarette the smoker bends over to pick it up and they both burn and go to hell.
Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.
Gay and Rabbi
A gay guy and a Rabbi die and go to heaven.
When they approach the gates of heaven the rabbi is told 'You can stay here as long as you don't let your greed for money get to you'
and then the gay guy is told 'And you can stay here as long as you don't let your gay urges get the best of you.
If either of you break these rules, you will both go to hell'.
The next day the rabbi sees a hundred dollar bill on the floor and decides to pick it up.
Suddenly POOF POOF.
Both men go to hell...
What do gay termites eat?
If you say It is hard to keep a tractor strait as it is keeping a gay strait.
What do you call a bunch of gay guys standing on line?
Fruit by the foot.
I ran into your boyfriend the other day, I called him gay and he hit me with his purse!
Mating call of a cuckoo: 'Cuckoo, cuckoo.'
Mating call of an owl: 'Twitwoo, twitwoo.'
Mating call of a blackbird: 'Go on Jerry shove that cock up me arse!'
An old rancher died, leaving everything to his wife.
Needing help, she decided to advertise for a ranch hand.
Only two men applied.
One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought about it and hired the gay guy, figuring it would be safer having him around.
He proved to be a hard worker.
To reward him for his good work she let him have the night off to go into town for some fun.
Later that night he returned to the ranch house and he saw the woman standing beside the fireplace, with a glass of wine in her hand.
She called him over.
'Unbutton my Blouse and take it off,'
Trembling, he did so.
'Now take of my boots.'
'Now my socks.'
The hired man complied.
'Now take off my skirt.'
He unzipped it.
'Now take off my bra.'
He did as he was told.
'Now take off my panties.'
He slowly pulled them down.
She fixed him with a determined glaze and said 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who was just as obviously enjoying himself.
He came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman hadn't moved a muscle.
'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines.
I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess.
I take orders from no one.'
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Put the tray up, Bitch!'