Good Jokes

This page contains 10 Good Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Good Jokes first.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil!

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.
Holmes said, 'Watson, look up.
What do you see?
'Well, I see thousands of stars.'
'And what does that mean to you?'
'Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow.
What does it mean to you, Holmes?'
'To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.'

How to Please a Woman: A vacationing ladies and see a 5-story hotel entitled 'For Women Only'.
After much debate, they go in.
The Clerk explains, 'We have 5 floors.
Go up one by one and once you find what want, you can stay there.
Each floor has a sign telling you what's inside.
But, once you leave a floor, you can't go back.'
The women talk it over and go for it.
The 1st floor sign reads 'The men here are bad lovers, but are kind and caring'.
The friends laugh and quickly move on.
The 2nd floor sign reads 'The men here are great lovers, but are abusive'.
This wasn't better so they head up.
The 3rd floor sign reads 'These men are great lovers and sensitive to women.'
This was good but they wanted more.
The 4th floor sign was perfect.
'The men here have perfect builds;
are sensitive and attentive;
are perfect lover and are single, rich and straight'.
The women were happy but wanted to see Floor 5.
The 5th floor sign reads: 'No men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.'

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road.
Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road.
To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.
In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on.
At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey.
He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims, 'May the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'
The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down.
Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies, 'No thanks, I'll just wait till the police get here!'

A one-dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, 'Hey, where've you been?
I haven't seen you around here much.'
The twenty answered, 'I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.
How about you?'
The one dollar bill said, 'You know, same old stuff, church, church, church.'

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy.
Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day.
Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway.
He looks at the caddy and says, 'I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake.'
The caddy looks back at him and says, 'I don't think you could keep your head down that long.'

Two drunk guys are walking home from the pub, when they see a large hole in the ground.
Wanting to find out how deep it was, one man picked up a small pebble, and threw it down the hole.
They waited 5 minutes, but they did not hear the pebble hit the bottom.
Still determined, they found a large boulder, and rolled it down the hole.
They waited another couple of minutes, but they still couldn't hear it hit the bottom.
So they grabbed an old railway sleeper, and hauled it down the hole, still no sound.
They shrugged and were about to give up when a sheep appeared out of no-where, and jumped down the hole.
Shocked they just stood there.
Suddenly a farmer appeared spotting them he asked, 'Have u seen a sheep come pass?'
'Yeah' they replied, 'it just jumped down that hole'
The farmer scratched his head, 'That's funny, he was tied to an old railway sleeper.'

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked, 'Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?'
The man replies, 'Are you nuts?
That's robbery!'
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again, 'Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for half price at $100.00?'
Again, the man replies bluntly, 'You must be crazy pal, now go away!'
Then the salesman reaches into his briefcase and pulls out two brownies and begins munching away on one of them.
He tells the irate guy, 'Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much.'
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite;
suddenly, the guys spits it out and says, 'HEY!', he snarled, 'this brownie tastes like crap!'
'It is!', replies the salesman, 'wanna buy some mouthwash?'

A Funny Story.
There are many wise and foolish men.
Like this guy named Billy.
Someone had an appointment with him yet when the person arrived, Billy was no where to be found.
Infuriated, the person picked up a piece of chalk and wrote on Billy's door 'STUPID OAF'
and went home.
Later Billy returned home and saw what was written on his door.
He immediately rushed to the persons house and said 'I'm sorry I forgot I had an appointment today.
I remembered the second I got home and saw your name on my door.'

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
'But officer,'
the man began, 'I can explain.'
'Just be quiet,'
snapped the officer.
'I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.'
'But, officer, I just wanted to say,'
'And I said to keep quiet!
You're going to jail!'
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'Don't count on it,'
answered the fellow in the cell.
'I'm the groom.'

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