Good Jokes
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Good Jokes

This page contains 10 Good Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Good Jokes first.

A Funny Story.
There are many wise and foolish men.
Like this guy named Billy.
Someone had an appointment with him yet when the person arrived, Billy was no where to be found.
Infuriated, the person picked up a piece of chalk and wrote on Billy's door 'STUPID OAF'
and went home.
Later Billy returned home and saw what was written on his door.
He immediately rushed to the persons house and said 'I'm sorry I forgot I had an appointment today.
I remembered the second I got home and saw your name on my door.'


Two drunk guys are walking home from the pub, when they see a large hole in the ground.
Wanting to find out how deep it was, one man picked up a small pebble, and threw it down the hole.
They waited 5 minutes, but they did not hear the pebble hit the bottom.
Still determined, they found a large boulder, and rolled it down the hole.
They waited another couple of minutes, but they still couldn't hear it hit the bottom.
So they grabbed an old railway sleeper, and hauled it down the hole, still no sound.
They shrugged and were about to give up when a sheep appeared out of no-where, and jumped down the hole.
Shocked they just stood there.
Suddenly a farmer appeared spotting them he asked, 'Have u seen a sheep come pass?'
'Yeah' they replied, 'it just jumped down that hole'
The farmer scratched his head, 'That's funny, he was tied to an old railway sleeper.'


An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road.
Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road.
To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.
In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on.
At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey.
He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims, 'May the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'
The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down.
Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies, 'No thanks, I'll just wait till the police get here!'


A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
'But officer,'
the man began, 'I can explain.'
'Just be quiet,'
snapped the officer.
'I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.'
'But, officer, I just wanted to say,'
'And I said to keep quiet!
You're going to jail!'
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'Don't count on it,'
answered the fellow in the cell.
'I'm the groom.'


What is six inches long with a head on it, that women like to blow?
MONEY.


How to Please a Woman: A vacationing ladies and see a 5-story hotel entitled 'For Women Only'.
After much debate, they go in.
The Clerk explains, 'We have 5 floors.
Go up one by one and once you find what want, you can stay there.
Each floor has a sign telling you what's inside.
But, once you leave a floor, you can't go back.'
The women talk it over and go for it.
The 1st floor sign reads 'The men here are bad lovers, but are kind and caring'.
The friends laugh and quickly move on.
The 2nd floor sign reads 'The men here are great lovers, but are abusive'.
This wasn't better so they head up.
The 3rd floor sign reads 'These men are great lovers and sensitive to women.'
This was good but they wanted more.
The 4th floor sign was perfect.
'The men here have perfect builds;
are sensitive and attentive;
are perfect lover and are single, rich and straight'.
The women were happy but wanted to see Floor 5.
The 5th floor sign reads: 'No men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.'


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil!


Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes directions: read these outloud (English Phrase) I think you need a facelift (Chinese Phrase) Chin Tu Fat (English Phrase) Are you hiding a fugitive?
(Chinese Phrase) Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P.
Kum Hia Nao Stupid Man Dum Gai Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni It's very dark in here Wai So Dim This is a tow away zone No Pah King You are not very bright Yu So Dum I got this for free Ai No Pei I am not guilty!
Wai Hang Mi?
Please stay a while longer Wai Go Nao?
They have arrived Hai Dei Kum.
Stay out of sight Lei Lo He's cleaning his automobile Wa Sing Ka.
Your body odor is offensive Yu Stin Ki I thought you were on a diet?
Wai Yu Mun Ching?


Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form.
I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident.
You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower.
When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware.
Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel.
Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh only 155 pounds.
Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower.
In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming down.
This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in block number 11.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower.
In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming up.
This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me... I again lost my presence of mind.
I let go of the rope.


Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.
Holmes said, 'Watson, look up.
What do you see?
'Well, I see thousands of stars.'
'And what does that mean to you?'
'Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow.
What does it mean to you, Holmes?'
'To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.'


 



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