Good Jokes

This page contains 10 Good Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Good Jokes first.

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.
Holmes said, 'Watson, look up.
What do you see?
'Well, I see thousands of stars.'
'And what does that mean to you?'
'Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow.
What does it mean to you, Holmes?'
'To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.'

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road.
Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road.
To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.
In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on.
At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey.
He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims, 'May the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'
The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down.
Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies, 'No thanks, I'll just wait till the police get here!'

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil!

A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy.
Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day.
Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway.
He looks at the caddy and says, 'I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake.'
The caddy looks back at him and says, 'I don't think you could keep your head down that long.'

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked, 'Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?'
The man replies, 'Are you nuts?
That's robbery!'
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again, 'Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for half price at $100.00?'
Again, the man replies bluntly, 'You must be crazy pal, now go away!'
Then the salesman reaches into his briefcase and pulls out two brownies and begins munching away on one of them.
He tells the irate guy, 'Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much.'
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite;
suddenly, the guys spits it out and says, 'HEY!', he snarled, 'this brownie tastes like crap!'
'It is!', replies the salesman, 'wanna buy some mouthwash?'

Two drunk guys are walking home from the pub, when they see a large hole in the ground.
Wanting to find out how deep it was, one man picked up a small pebble, and threw it down the hole.
They waited 5 minutes, but they did not hear the pebble hit the bottom.
Still determined, they found a large boulder, and rolled it down the hole.
They waited another couple of minutes, but they still couldn't hear it hit the bottom.
So they grabbed an old railway sleeper, and hauled it down the hole, still no sound.
They shrugged and were about to give up when a sheep appeared out of no-where, and jumped down the hole.
Shocked they just stood there.
Suddenly a farmer appeared spotting them he asked, 'Have u seen a sheep come pass?'
'Yeah' they replied, 'it just jumped down that hole'
The farmer scratched his head, 'That's funny, he was tied to an old railway sleeper.'

A one-dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, 'Hey, where've you been?
I haven't seen you around here much.'
The twenty answered, 'I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.
How about you?'
The one dollar bill said, 'You know, same old stuff, church, church, church.'

A Funny Story.
There are many wise and foolish men.
Like this guy named Billy.
Someone had an appointment with him yet when the person arrived, Billy was no where to be found.
Infuriated, the person picked up a piece of chalk and wrote on Billy's door 'STUPID OAF'
and went home.
Later Billy returned home and saw what was written on his door.
He immediately rushed to the persons house and said 'I'm sorry I forgot I had an appointment today.
I remembered the second I got home and saw your name on my door.'

What is six inches long with a head on it, that women like to blow?
MONEY.

A young businessman had just started his own firm.
He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor: 'Can I help you?'
'Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines!'

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