Jokes For Kids
Home / Funny jokes / Jokes For Kids

Jokes For Kids

This page contains 10 Jokes For Kids. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Jokes For Kids first.

How do you cure mad cow disease?
With a happy meal


Big Trouble... The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city Governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are, Sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.


Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada.
They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region.
The pilot drops them off and tells them: 'I'll be back in one week.
No more than one moose - got it?'
One week passes, and the pilot returns.
The hunters have two moose.
The pilot says: 'Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose.'
One of the hunters replies: 'Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a *big* tip to take both moose out.'
The three of them argue for several minutes more.
The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose.
Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane.
The plane shudders and strains trying to take off.
It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet....
Whoops!
It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree.
The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage.
One hunter looks at the other and says: 'Where the Hell are we?'
The other looks around and replies: 'About 100 yards further than we got last year!'


Three friends were stranded on a desert island.
After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.
Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out.
She said, 'I have three wishes to grant.
Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true.'
Friend number one got excited.
He said, 'I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women.'
Instantly he was gone, his wish granted.
Friend number two smiled and said, 'I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together.'
Just like that, he disappeared.
The genie asked the remaining man, 'And what do you wish for?'
He answered, 'Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me decide...'


When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep.
Not screaming, like the passengers in his car!


An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned and replied, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'


Difficult English
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse  We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.


An old man was laying on his death bed.
With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen.
With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.
There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies.
With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie.
His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, 'Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!'


Six Truths In Life 1.
You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.
2.
All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.
3.
The first truth is a lie.
4.
You're smiling now because you're an idiot.
5.
You soon will tell this to another idiot.
6.
There's still a silly smile on your face.


How to annoy people in an elevator. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Press the wrong ones.
Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
Ask, 'did you hear that cable snapping sound?'
Burp, and then say 'mmmm...tasty!'
Call out, 'Group hug!'
and enforce it.
Have a seizure.
If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them 'was it good for you too?'





1 2 3 4 (5) 6 7 8

Categories:
Animal Bad Bar Dumb Blonde Celebrity Cheesy Chicken Christmas Chuck Norris Clean Computer Corny Dad Dark Humor Doctor Dirty Donald Trump Easter Fat For Kids Funny Riddles Funny Quotes Little Johnny Gay Gender Good Halloween Knock Knock Lawyer Lightbulb Jokes Military Old People One Liner Jokes Ponderisms Puns Redneck Relationship Religious School Short Jokes Silly Skeleton Valentines Day Yo Mama