Lawyers Jokes
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Lawyers Jokes

This page contains 10 Lawyers Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Lawyers Jokes first.

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How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water!

Lawyers give irrelevant information Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage.
Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.
Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days.
Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.
As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, 'Where are we?'
The man yells back, 'About a half mile from town.'
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist.
One flyer says to the other, 'He must have been a lawyer.'
The other says, 'A lawyer!
How do you know that?'
The first says, 'That?s easy.
The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant.'

What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
They grow taller!

How many lawyers does it take to screw a light bulb?
One but it has to have a good case!

A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
'I locked my keys in my sports car!' said the nervous lawyer.
'No problem, I should be there in about an hour,'
replied the locksmith.
'Do you think you can make it a little sooner?'
pleaded the lawyer.
'My top is down and it?s starting to rain.'

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks.
After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks.
The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Definition of a Lawyer: A person who puts two men into a fight and runs off with their clothes.

Lawyer: 'Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?'
Client: 'After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I?m beginning to think I didn?t.'

A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend.
In his grief, one of the three said, 'In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they?ll have something to spend over there.'
They all agreed that this was appropriate.
The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same.
The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, 'You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.'
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, 'You asked me to give him good advice.
I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split.'




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