Lawyers Jokes
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Lawyers Jokes

This page contains 10 Lawyers Jokes. The jokes are in order of votes, the best Lawyers Jokes first.

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How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water!


Lawyers give irrelevant information Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage.
Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.
Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days.
Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.
As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, 'Where are we?'
The man yells back, 'About a half mile from town.'
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist.
One flyer says to the other, 'He must have been a lawyer.'
The other says, 'A lawyer!
How do you know that?'
The first says, 'That?s easy.
The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant.'


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, 'What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?'
'I give it to them,'
replied the lawyer, 'and then I send them a bill.'
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.


What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
They grow taller!


A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery.
After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: Justice prevailed.?
The senior partner replied in haste, Appeal immediately?


Definition of a Lawyer: A person who puts two men into a fight and runs off with their clothes.


A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense.
He didn't want to go to jail.
But his lawyer told him, 'Don't worry.
You'll never have to go to jail with all that money.'
And the lawyer was right.
When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.


Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks.
After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks.
The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.


Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, 'You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.'
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, 'You asked me to give him good advice.
I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split.'


A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith.
'I locked my keys in my sports car!' said the nervous lawyer.
'No problem, I should be there in about an hour,'
replied the locksmith.
'Do you think you can make it a little sooner?'
pleaded the lawyer.
'My top is down and it?s starting to rain.'





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